My first impression of him is that he was so concieted. We had a nice chat but it was just like any other chat experience I had. Nothing memorable about that but after a week I got letters from him. He made efforts to send me letters every single day with his favorite songs attached to it. I thought it was cute but I didn’t show interest till after a month of him writing me daily. I found Zar, shy, intelligent and extremely nice. When I saw him on cam I found out that he was very handsome too. Our daily talks became a habit. We exchanged mails and YM messages. We would chat for 5-6 hours a day. Even while he was at work we would find time to talk. Even with the 5 hours time difference we always found a way to talk. Until 1 day 1 gave him a surprised call. He was lovely. He was so pleasant to talk to and I guess he liked me back for we would talk on the phone for hours. International rates apply so our phone bills skyrocketed. I had no complaints and so does he. I guess I was indeed falling for him. He was a blessing amidst a storm!

I came from a well known family in my community. My dad was a naval high ranking officer and my mother an educator. Inspite of the good life I was born into I had a pretty bad childhood. We were 2 siblings brought up as rivals. My dad cared for me while my mother took care of my sister. It was very hard especially while I was growing up. When I was at the university I was accused of eloping with a suitor that I barely know. It was a big deal 15 years ago in my community. I had to save my family honor by getting married to a guy I barely know. In this union, I was severly beaten for 7 years. I had nowhere to run. My family didn’t know what I was going through that time. I was so ashamed and I fear that I would be beaten more if my husband finds out I sought help.

Never the less I was able to run away from him(my husband) after 10 years. He had another woman with him. I started over and picked up the pieces of my life. It is in this time that I have met Zar. His kindness, warmth and sincerity drew me to him. I trusted him more than I have trusted anyone in this life. There are only 2 important males in my life that time. It was my father and Zar. Since we met we have talked everyday for 3 years. All those years I had him in my life he was my strength, my courage and my hope. I was able to go through so much because I had him near. When I lost my dad he was there. It made things bearable. We made plans of getting together and being married and settling down here in asia. I work in Thailand and he liked the idea of living here so I wanted him to come. But his mother thought it was not safe to be here so he was discouraged to do so. I offered I would come. God knows I tried!!! But I always fell short of what has been expected. He was devastated. We never met in real. After the 3rd year he just disappeared. I was waiting for him to come here in asia and take me. To finally share me a family life and love I never knew. He never dared…… he never tried Then he just disappeared.

I tried hard to make him see that our love is still good. Our love was true but he got tired of waiting for the day when we can be together so he left without saying goodbye. He never tried to talk to me again. He just gave up on US! I felt so much love from him and he got my hopes so high. Now I feel so alone.

I never felt any hate for him for hurting me coz I know I have done and said things that might have hurt his feelings deep too. I made a promise to try get him from Romania, but so hard to get a Visa. He said he doesn’t hate me  too, but I just don’t know what feelings he had left for me now. Last I heard is that he was rushed to a hospital because he was depressed on what has happened on us. Even I have been very sickly too.  Until now I miss him dearly. There is not a day that I don’t wish to have a chance to talk, walk, laugh and cuddle with him. He is my Best friend not just a sweetheart!!! I felt a kind of love that I have not felt from anyone here, EVER. If I can wish for a day, I really want to spend a day with him to feel his heart beat and to hear him breathe. I miss him dearly and I don’tknow if there can be anyone else in this world to replace him.  I have so many friends now. Even men who profess a liking for me but I have him inside my head. I guess it’s because Zar is my one true love. A love that I have lost forever. 

Every year our town has this thing called the Rib Fest. I was there in late June of 06′ with my father, his brother and sister and their spouses’. [they're a little strict when it comes down to me, since I'm the baby.] Well, there was this cute guy walking around.. So I thought I’d try to get his attention by entering the Coney Dawg eating contest. I got up on the stage, and he was standing behind the crowd, watching me, it was a funny feeling.

I lost the contest of course. [as I am only 5 foot 3, 103 lbs.] But I got the most crowd points for going up against the “big boys.” After that we left, and I saw him kind of wandering around looking for me, but even if he had found me, my father would have been the typical father and shooed him away.

About a week later, my friend Kristen & I were at the mall.. And who did I see walking out of Hot Topic? You bet it. Him. So I followed him. His friend and him were standing in front of the gumball machine as we walked past, and he motioned for me to come over, so I did. He asked if I had a quarter and I said no, the just sort of walked away thinking he was uninterested.

A few days later, I logged into my MySpace to find a friend request from him. It was weird, because at this point *I* thought he was stalking me. He said he found me on a friend of his’ page. From there, we figured out that we knew most of the same people from local shows, but not each other.

He then proceeded to tell me he had a girlfriend, [they had only been together for a week or so though.] and that it wasn’t really working out. I invited him to double date with my friend Kristen & her boyfriend on the 4th of July . We went and watched the fireworks.

The next day, he called me and told me he was at a friend’s house, so if I wanted to talk, I could get ahold of him there. I recognized the number and asked.. “Are you with Dustin?” He sounded a little shocked then said yes and I told him I lived about 5 minutes from there. He told me he’d meet me at the grocery store, so I didn’t have to walk alone.

I met him up there and we walked back to *our* friend’s, and once I walked in the door, Dustin’s jaw dropped because he didn’t know *I* was that girl. We wound up driving around, and they left us in the car alone together, once.. It was where we shared our first kiss.

A couple nights later, he wound up staying with Dustin again, so he could see me. By the time I got over there, he was drunk. We went driving around again, and ended up in the neighborhood where our friend Sam lives. I called her and told her to come down to the park, and that she would never guess who was with me. [her & my guy were close, and she didn't know about *us* yet.] She gets down there and was like … “Omfg.. what?!” After that, he puked, and then took my hand and asked me.. “Will you be my girlfriend?” It was so sweet. I said yes. [duh] Thus beginning our intense relationship.

A few weeks later he took me to the county fair, since I told him I had never been to the fair with a guy before. I wound up running into an old friend and I decided to leave early with her. We went and smoked out. He wasn’t very fond of those habits, but he called me the next morning to see if I got home alright.

A few days later, his band had a show, so I went to support him. The following day was my 18th birthday, so he had a small get together for me.. A month passed, and he had given me something he treasured about himself for 18 years, his virginity. Another month passed and we wound up breaking up for a few reasons, not really relevant to this.

He wanted to remain friends, and since I had never stayed friends with my past ex’s I thought .. “Why not?” It worked for the most part. We spent 3 – 4 nights together a week, and it really seemed as nothing had changed. Halloween was coming up and I didn’t have any plans, so he came over and we went trick or treating. It was fun. He wore on of my skirts and my big fuzzy black and red jacket. It was a perfect night.

A month later, we spent the night at his house, and spent quality time with his mother and father. They cooked dinner and we watched a movie. We were supposed to stay there the next night, but decided not to. I don’t know if it was fate or what, but I think it was the best thing. I went home and he went to stay at his uncle’s a few streets over from me. He was supposed to wake me up at 11am to come get me. He calls at 11:06am and said.. “We can’t hang out.” & I asked him why.. His reason? “My dad died.” I told him I would be over there within 5 minutes, and I was. I went into the living room, and told my stepdad to take me there immediately.

I got there, and his uncle met me at the bottom of the staircase and I asked him if it were true, he said yes, and my heart sank. It was so unexpected, but we knew how it happened. I was the first person he called. He wanted me to be there.
We had to go tell his older brother. Waking up to your mother, brother, uncle, cousin, and brother’s ex standing around you with tears in their eyes, isn’t really a comforting feeling.

I did not leave them for 1 week. I gave him his space that he needed to clear his mind of everything going on, but I never left. Whatever they needed, I went and got for them. I was his rock. It was then, I knew I had fallen for him. I had never been so devoted to someone before, and I knew I wouldn’t have done that for anyone else.

A few weeks passed and his mother had brought this new guy around. Apparently he was her first boyfriend ever. Well, she decided to share with me some information that only I was allowed to know. This guy, was his older brothers biological father & this was the first time she had ever told anyone else.. [the guy knew but nobody else did]

What was I supposed to do? Not tell them? I had to. I had been honest with him about everything, I couldn’t hide this from him. His mother was pissed and banned me from her house. They knew I wasn’t lying and she was denying. She said I overheard her telling one of our friends’ mothers. His mother denied knowing this information. She got caught in her own lie.

Things only went downhill from there. They found out their was being foreclosed on, and they had 30 days to move out.
He dropped out of school, to help out, and I was there for the most part to move and pack. His mother decided to move to Florida with her boyfriend.. leaving her sons behind. She helped them find a house, but that was all.

Neither one had a job, and rent was hard to pay. I can’t count how many people moved in and out of that house, but there was no responsibilities be taken. All it was, was one big party. Eventually, they got evicted. They had 1 week to remove everything. He was planning to live with a friend, as was his brother.

He had grown to be part of my family. My mother thought of his as her own son, and whenever he needed laundry done, or a hot shower, or a nice meal, we were there.

They wound up getting evicted sooner, and had 10 hours to remove everything. I was at work when he told me this.. I had to call my mother and have her spend money she didn’t have to borrow my stepfathers truck and help them move. All of their stuff still resides in my garage. Their mail is also delivered to my house.

He knew my feelings. He knew he loved me too. I don’t think he was quite aware how though. He always told me if he ever began dating, that I’d still be his number 1. I was the only female that ever mattered to him. I was his one true best friend. His everything. But he couldn’t be my boyfriend again. He said if things went down hill, he couldn’t bear to lose me, which I understood.

He came to me and told me he had been considering dating this girl we both knew from our friend Justin. [it was his ex] I was sort of okay with it, but secretly very jealous. I tried to be happy for him, but I just couldn’t be. It was hard enough loving him, but loving him knowing he’s with someone else.

I hadn’t talked to him on the phone for a couple of days and I logged on to my email & sure enough, I had a message from him. They began dating. October 16th. I had promised him one thing. That I would never leave his side. That I’d always be there. I didn’t reply, and I got 2 more messages along the lines of “Okay, so you’re avoiding me?” I couldn’t take it.

I told a few of my good friends online about it, and a few days passed.. still no word from him. I avoided my email altogether, even though he could have called. I was tired of my hometown, and being unhappy. I spent a year devoting my life to my best friend, and then this happened. I really considered leaving state.
My friends in Pennsylvania said I always had a couch to sleep on if I needed. The next day, I put my two weeks in at work, and bought my bus ticket a week later. I had spent so much time with him, I never had any time for myself. I never left him, but he had pushed me over the edge, and I was finally able to stand up on my own two feet, and do what I wanted, without worrying what his opinion was.

I’ve been here in PA for 4.5 days, and I haven’t regretted leaving home yet. It’s a nice feeling, this freedom. I know he won’t be happy once he finds out I left, but I’ve not talked to him for 1 month. He hasn’t made any attempt to contact me except that one day to pick up his mail. My mother called him though, to inform him of an interview set up at WalMart.

I’m not sure at this point if I want to return home. I think I might do a little more traveling, before returning to the source of my issues. I’m only 19. I’m the best friend any person could ask for, and in the end.. it doesn’t even matter.