I quit my job and said goodbye to my family, came to Ireland to start my life all over again. I missed him, I missed him a lot but I have always been a strong women so I knew I cannot give up. I settled down in the heart of Dublin, got an okay job, got friends. Had my life just like before him..Never thought I would fall in love with somebody again (at least not any soon). Once I was spending time on my Facebook. I saw this advertisement about that website called ‘Love struck’, I just said to myself why wouldn’t I try it out??? I registered..never did anything like that before as I never believed in the way like that to find your true love. Of course the website like that started to ask me lots of question, I had to set up a proper profile and I just got so fed up and left in the middle of it.

Few days later I received an email from ‘Love struck’ which said that I should definitely go back and complete my profile as I might lose the chance to meet somebody and that my biological clock is clicking. I was so pissed, my biological clock???? I was 21…so I just went back and finish up my site. Never cared about it after that. I really don’t know how long I didn’t check my page there, I started to go out with the guy (which was the biggest disappointment in my life)…

Once I just thought what not I’ll go and have a look…Found a few guys, left a few message to them. Also found a guy who had written on his profile that he is looking for a beautiful, smart, funny, intelligent but serious girl (which was certainly everything), I remember thinking he must be a funny guy, reading his profile a bit further he just said “if you like what you read send me one email or two or three”…that was a sentence made me write him a message. Although that time I hadn’t had any profile picture and good English he answered me back…I didn’t know what was going on in his mind but we started to talk. We used to change emails two-three times a day, it was like we have been together years and now we are just spending some time apart. We talked about everything, we knew each other more then anybody else. The time went on and we decided it to meet up. Didn’t work. I really don’t know how people do this but after two months talking when I met him I couldn’t introduce myself or anything like that. It was weird and awkward. We didn’t kiss and then I left. On the way home I thought this has been an awful date we will never see each other again. I was disappointed but I didn’t regret any moment we spent by emailing each other. When I got home I had an email waiting for me. An explanation about why he acted so weird and what he really feels about me. We agreed about an other date, next day beside the see. I had not too much hope to be honest that anything can go better, but it did. We had a wonderful time together. We didn’t kiss but it was still the best day.

Days were passed, we had dated for a while until I got extremely drunk and started to send him text messages about what and how I want to do with him. Next day I was terrified that I lost him but no I didn’t. It just made him realize how much he wants the same thing and how much he wants me to be his girlfriend. I spent the night with him, that was the first night we spent together….

A few months later he went to America, it was a business trip. Not too long but enough to makes us finally realize we are in love. When he came home it was the first time we said, we love each other…

It has all been over a year. We are living together now and have an adorable little dog as well. We have arguments of course, and fights several times but I know that I can’t be happier than that.

My life has been totally changed. I left my country, my family, my friends but I found my new home, my new family…

Since I know he is my better half, I cannot imagine my life without him the only thing I can’t wait for is to be his wife and make him happier then ever.

Thank you ‘Love Struck”

Jimmy B was just beginning his second hour as DJ at an exclusive Jersey Shore Nightclub. As he was cueing his next selection, a weird yet amazing feeling swept over him. He looked up from the Turntable and glanced off into space. Suddenly, he realized that a beautiful woman was returning his stare, as she chalked her pool-stick up and prepared for her next shot. As a DJ in a exclusive Club, seeing attractive women was not an unusual thing. BUT……THIS woman was MAGICAL! To cut a LONG STORY SHORT, they met, exchanged phone numbers and the night ended. For the next ten months, MANY phonecalls and Emails were exchanged. But ever a true “date”. Then, suddenly Jimmy B’s cellphone began to ring as he was preparing to do his laundry. It was Jasmine, ACTUALLY ASKING HIM IF HE WOULD GO TO DINNER WITH HER! That date was followed by MANY OTHERS, and they fell in love!!! Then, as they were chatting about the subject of Marriage, Jimmy B reached for a tiny bag, and handed it to Jasmine. She quickly opened it——– IT WAS AN ENGAGMENT RING!!!!! AND SHE SAID YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Wedding Day was scheduled for September 9th, 2006! And, days FLEW by! Jasmine selected a dress, the Couple selected their Parties and Life moved on QUICKLY! Jasmine and her Mom went to Jasmines’ FINAL Dress Fitting together, on August 18th, 2006. They had a quick Dinner, and the Fitting occurred. Jasmine hopped in her car and went to pick up Jimmy from his return by Train from his day job as a Research Chemist. She waited as his usual train pulled up……AND LEFT. There was NO JIMMY. So…..she waited longer and longer. Train after train came and left—– STILL NO JIMMY. She looked up at her watch—— ONE HOUR had passed. If there was a TRUE Delay, Jimmy would have called her. NO CALL AND NO JIMMY. Jasmine began to experience a WEIRD feeling that something bad may have happened. Here it was, only THREE WEEKS before their Wedding Day. Wouldn’t it be insane if something crazy happened? Like if he got HIT BY A CAR only THREE WEEKS before their Wedding?

Well, as crazy as that appears, THAT IS EXACTLY what happened! Being a “Green” person, Jimmy B would travel on his Transit Bicycle to the West Windsor Train Station, get on the train, and head home to West Keansburg, NJ. On THIS day, though, he NEVER made it to the Train Station. For, on the road RIGHT NEXT to the Bike Path, there was a horrific auto accident! One auto tried making a late left turn, hit an auto heading in the opposite direction, caused it to flip on its’ side, and it STRUCK Jimmy B moving at 45mph! Jimmy B, on his bicycle, flew 50 feet in the air and landed on HIS HEAD! So……just three weeks before The Wedding Day, Jimmy B was nearly killed!

Jasmine went home and saw that there was a Phone Message! She thought it might be Jimmy. As she played it, the following spewed out of the machine——- “Hello, Kitty. This is The Emergency Room at Fuld Hospital in Trenton. We are calling ALL numbers in a cell phone we have that belongs to an individual that is in a Coma and on Life Support in our Hospital. If you have ANY information on this person, PLEASE CALL US BACK”. SO……..KITTY (Jasmine) called back! And the reason that I had her identified as KITTY was because she LOVED Cats……and she was Persian. I made her The Persian Kitty!

When Jasmine called the Phone Number, she asked ONE THING! “Please tell me that he IS BREATHING!”. Their Reply—– “With the help of a machine”. SO…….here was a Persian Woman, just three weeks from her Wedding Day, and just hours after her FINAL Wedding Dress Fitting, PRAYING that her Fiance WOULD LIVE!!!!!!!

Well, I DID live! Even though the Medical Personnel warned Jasmine that IF I DID come out of Coma, I may be a Vegetable For Life….. I made it! Here was a woman, INSTEAD of planning a Honeymoon and Life, had to plan for my Rehabilitation! She, instead of becoming MY WIFE, had to go to Court to become my (because of unsureness when IN Coma) LEGAL GUARDIAN!!!!

Months passed…. I was determined to have SEVERE TRAUMATIC BRAIN INJURY. I had to first learn who JASMINE WAS! Then, I had to learn who I WAS! I was admitted to Kessler Rehab! I had to learn HOW TO GO BATHROOM! HOW TO CLEAN MYSELF! HOW TO TALK! TO WALK! As, later, an Outpatient, I had to relearn how to think! There is a TV Show called “Samantha Who” that is true!!! It summarizes what someone with TBI has to overcome!

On May 17th, 2008 WE MARRIED!!!!!!! We not only got married, but WE BEAT THE 65% of couples after TBI that BREAK UP!!!!!

WE MADE IT!!!!!

Jimmy

       His name’s aaron, and he’s beautiful. In every sense of that perfectly inadequate word. We met on some sort of penpal website. An acquaintance had shown me the website back in the sixth grade. I made up a fake profile thinking it’d be fun to be in somebody else’s shoes, even if it was only for a while. I thought nothing of this, until this past summer.

       I was a week into my summer vacation and I was bored. I got onto the penpal website and I had a message. It read something along the lines of “hello, I’m aaron. and you are?” That’s when it all started, it was the start of the rest of my life. I replied back, but I gave him a fake name. I just thought of it as some other person on this website looking for somebody to talk to, no biggie. We began to talk, exchanging messages, getting to know eachother. after a couple days I began to feel something but I pushed it aside, not wanting to admit it to myself. Then one night, it hit me. I really liked this guy. I really did. But the fact that I’d lied about my name and pictures put a great burden on me. I felt so guilty, and I decided I had to come clean. I recited in my mind, what I’d tell him. I was afraid he’d reject me, but I figured i’d take that risk. I liked him too much not to.

     The next day, I came clean to him. And he… forgave me. I was ecstatic. I told him my name and put up a real photo of me. He accepted me, and forgave me. he has to be the most amazing guy I’ve ever met. We talked more, and got to know more of eachother. My heart sank when I learned that he lived in Virginia. I, in Nebraska. It was so far away, but I didn’t care. I was determined to keep talking to him and grow closer to him. One day, he told me he wanted to call me. I loved the idea, but knew my parents would not. So, we devised a plan. He’d call at midnight my time, and I’d have the phone with me so I could answer it quickly. I felt paranoid, I had never done something behind my parent’s backs.

      That night, I stayed up till midnight. I had the phone with me, and it rang. Quickly I answered it but heard nothing so I’d hang up. This went on a couple more times. Finally, he whispered “hello”. I loved his voice the minute I heard it. My mother had woken up, but somehow I’d convinced her that it had been a wrong number. With that, she went back to sleep and I went to my basement stairs. I remember there being a thunderstorm and I felt paranoid that my parents would hear me and come find me. He just said “why? we’re like fucking ninjas” I laughed and relaxed a little.We talked for almost three hours, until about 3 a.m. We whispered about anything and everything. He did his amazing impersonation of a british accent, which I absolutely loved. In the dark sitting on those cold damp stairs, I fell in love with aaron. He fell asleep on the phone, and I found that cute. I just whispered goodnight and hung up. That night, I couldn’t sleep from all the butterflies in my stomach.

        The next day, I decided to tell my mom about him. I wanted to keep talking to him and that wouldn’t be possible if I had to keep hiding. My mom took it surprisingly well. She was happy I’d told her rather than hide it, I just hadn’t told her that he’d already called me. (to this day, she doesn’t know about it.) When my dad got home my mom convinced him to let aaron call, and he gave me permission after much persuasion. That afternoon, he called again. I sat in my parent’s room and we watched Deadliest Warrior, and intervention together. He told me about his upcoming trip to the beach, his love of soccer and his dream to be just like messi. He called again the next day. I sat outside on my swing and listened to him play soccer and heard cats doing unspeakable things. I couldn’t stop laughing. I went inside and we were just about to watch house of wax when he had to go. That was the last time he’d call me that summer. I wouldn’t talk to him again until 3 months later. After that last phone call, I logged on to my account and found out he had a girlfriend. They’d just barely started going out. I was absolutely crushed. My insides just sank as low as insides can possibly sink. I began talking to his girlfriend to see if it was my aaron. and it was. I couldn’t believe it. I was angry and terribly sad and shocked all at once. I realized that it didn’t matter as long as he was happy. So for about three months, I’d talk to him and try and move on at the same time. But it was impossible, I couldn’t do it. He was on my mind all the time. I was honestly in love with him.

       The rest of my summer passed by slowly. Spending lazy nights catching fireflies, running every morning, and crazy afternoons with my cousins at the park. By this time, I’d fallen for a guy named Martin. I’d known him since kindergarten. But it just wasn’t the same. It didn’t feel as amazing as it did with aaron. I had another boyfriend, Justin. Who was awesome,and I’m happy to have met him but it  just  was not the same as with aaron. It was as if everyone I met would automatically be sized up to aaron and never reach his level amazing. Nothing else compares to him, nothing. Summer was gone, and school started. I walked into the halls and sighed. thinking of aaron and that amazing summer. He’d broken up with his girlfriend and we’d message eachother, but not as often. Soon we started talking quite often again. Finally, he called. I stood in my front porch as we talked, thinking to myself about how much I’d missed that voice. That  night, I found out he’s 14. That whole time, I’d thought he was 15 going on 16. But I didn’t care that he’s younger. I really could care less.I love him just the way he is. He called the next day, and the next day, and the next day after that. One night he asked if we’d be together. I said yes, and that was that. We’re together. Finally,I thought happily.

       We talk for about two hours, or until my dad tells me to get off the phone. Every night, I’ll lay on my bed and fall in love with him even more. We talk about our future together and the perfect house we’ll have with a dog, cat, and mexiasian kids. I get excited just thinking about it. I know in my heart that he’s the one I want to spend my life with. I know he’s the one I want to marry, and I know I’ll love him forever. I love everything about him, his voice. I love how it’ll get deeper and deeper as he get’s tired to the point where I can’t even understand what he says. I love the shape his lips curve into when he smiles. I love how he makes me laugh so hard my stomach’ll hurt, I love his hair, I love how clever he is, and I love him endlessly. With everything I’ve got and that’ll never change. Someday, We’ll be together. I plan on visting him when I graduate around June 2013. For now, I’ll just wish on 11:11, on eyelash wishes and countdown the days until I finally get to see the love of my life.

aaron, I love you with all of my heart. You’re my everything, and I want you for always. I never want to lose you. You’re it, you’re the one for me. I know so.

I love you, with everything. I promise.

After a while, his visits became rare and soon I found out that he had a relationship. One may say that I took it pretty bad, as I got sick and had fever for a week. I was as happy as one under one’s gravestone can be. I suffered and pained for a long period of time, but I survived. I decided to go on, and shroud his memory in deepest oblivion. Soon, I left my birthplace to attend University myself.
Several years passed – I met him occasionaly and there was always a bitter heave of sentiments long forlorn- during which I tried to find my way in life and meet my soul mate in another man’s person. It was not a surprise that I failed-I was so got used to rejection that all my choices turned out to major failures. I was wounded, sad, alone. I was diminished to nothingness.
I don’t have many memories of this period, I don’t want to have.
But some day my old affection woke up, dominating, demanding, consuming, unyielding. It was funny how it happened. I had forgotten it.

It was a beautiful morning of September. I had gone downtown to have my modem checked, and I had decided to go home walking. I was feeling calm and walking in the crowded streets with my head full of relaxing thoughts. I was daydreaming. My eyes weren’t paying attention to where I was going. I was looking the blue sky, I was savouring the perfume of the cool breeze, imagining I was a leaf. Instictively, I turned to look in front of me. No prior warning, not the slightest hint. My eyes met his eyes in a violent second.
He, of all people, was there, walking among the people, in front of me.
Opposite me.
Looking at me.
I had never experienced sudden death and ressurection at the same time.                                                                                                                                                     I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t fly away. I couldn’t but I had to go on walking. I felt dizzy, panicked, choked. God, why?
He looked as if he wanted to say “Hello”.
Panic, panic, panic.
What, what, what am I supposed to do? How could I avoid all this and not look like a mad person?
He was approaching. He was near.
There was nothing in my mind, only blended coloures.
No conscious thoughts. Panic.
Fear. Primal fear. Self-preservation. Defense.                                                              There were not many things I could do. It was either the one or the other. Speak to him or not. Not.
I just looked the other way and passed by him. It was as good as being burnt alive.
My feet should have walked on their own account. I didn’t control anything: my mind was detached from my body, from reality. I could as well be a ghost. Unfortunately, I wasn’t.                                                                                                             It was September 11th, 2001.
A day of catastrophes.
I don’t remember how I managed to go home.
It’ s a miracle that I wasn’t hitten by some stray car, sent by destiny to eliminate me, if there was anything left that wasn’t already wrecked.
A few hours later, the attacks at the World Trade Center were announced on TV news broadcasts and I felt just as if I were responsible for all this bad luck. My own crabby destiny jinxed the lives of so many other innocent people.
How random can this be? In my view it was highly improbable that all the catastrophes happened the same day.
I was sad and bitter and hopeful once more.
Ηopeful?
What for?
What did I want?
What have I done?
What would he think of me?
Would I be laughing stock for him ever since?
Oh, that last one seemed such a concrete truth, that I wished I could change country, hemisphere or even planet-if possible- so as to avoid him more successfully from now on.
There are not many things to recall from the period that followed: I was giving exams for my university diploma and I soon found enough consolation in my massive books.
Things stayed unaltered for a long time: I rarely met him and I didn’t intend to bumb into him either. I was furious.
I was a reasonable person. I had a life to live. Obviously, he could live his own life pretty satisfactorily. He had a girl-friend. He had a life.
But what I was doing? Mourning over the dead body of my one-sided affection? Lying to myself?
It was pathetic. I was pathetic.
I tried, but I tried in vain. The only thing that I managed to do was that I felt more confident now, just as if knowing that he wasn’t available made me safer.One year or two passed and nothing remarkable happened-except that he was engaged to his girl-friend.
So it was a dead-end.
I felt miserable and static and stupid. Why can’t mind govern heart? Things could be easier.
And here came the summer of 2004.
There were always peculiar coincidences. The summer of the Olympic Games in Athens.
I had a friend in work that was a really lovable and a little lunatic person. We discussed things and when it came to me, I told all that silly story about my adolescence love.
She told me that my being such a coward was of no good to anyone. She believed that he had to account for his behaviour and that there was still hope.
It was so long that I denied my feelings and wishes that my mood should have turned into stone. But, oddly enough, it hadn’t.
She convinced me that it was my right, it was my duty , I had to make my move before he gets married and then, the end comes.
I don’t know how I let her persuade me. It seems that my resistance was weak, after so many years of inner war.
And I agreed to act, for the first time in my life.
Θέμα: Απ: A silly love story Τρι Jun 01, 2010 1:07 pm

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But what should I do?
I wasn’t brave enough to confront him.
And, anyway, what could I tell him? “Hello, do you know I am crazy about you?”
Self respect held me strongly-thank God!- and I didn’t take a decision with a light heart.
I thought that sending him an SMS was a good way to contact him.
But he shouldn’t be able to locate me, only if I wanted him to do so.And I didn’t. I was ashame of my decision, but its realization was inevitable. As though invisible ropes pulled me to my every next step.
Heat, fire, my whole world had turned into a hell landscape. I couldn’t escape it. I liked it. It made me feel alive, it made me feel right.
I needed it.
I should have done it earlier.

I managed to find out his cell number. I bought a SIM so that he could not identify my number.

I sent him the first sms one unfathomable July night, with a full moon.
I just wrote: “I am thinking of you”.
The moment the sms was sent, several brick walls around and inside me broke down (and perhaps some of the debris fell on me ) and I thought that I had just took a step towards the reconstruction of my life. I never expected anything from him, even after all this story would be ended. I didn’t want him to be unfaithful to his fiancee. I just rose in revolt, it was just me being rebellious. I couldn’t hold it to myself anymore. He would be responsible for his acts. I would ask him nothing. Only a small portion of his time. Nothing else.
My heart was drumming impatiently, fever was burning every little particle of me, as I was waiting for his answer.
And it came. It was funny enough, or my nerves were out of control, because the sms made me laugh my head off. He wrote “I think you have mistaken the sender” using the word sender instead of the word recipient.
My next sms was small but stubborn: “No”.
I would have given everything just to see his face: he was freaked out or thinking that someone was pulling his leg? I gave him the time to digest its meaning.
I regret to say that after this moment I cannot recall our conversation in detail. So it would be probably better to relate what happened the rest of the night.
As anyone might think, he was highly suspicious. Firstly he couldn’t believe that this was a truthful statement. He called me many times, but I didn’t speak to him. I answered him only via sms. That drove him mad (and I was enjoying it). He believed I was some friend of his (a male friend) that was joking. He demanded proofs that I was woman. I kept denying speaking to him.
He was really curious. I don’t know what held him and he kept trying to find out who I was. Personally I wouldn’t have done so, and I didn’t ,when, most unexpectedly, it happened to me as well a few months later.But that’s another (ridiculous) story.

It was just curiosity or the stubborness in my words told him that I was sincere? I don’t know, maybe both. He changed his tactics. He agreed that we could talk via sms. Nevertheless, he wasn’t playing fairly. He was calling every now and then, no doubt hoping that I would instictively answer his calls. I didn’t.
And he grew more and more curious.
And I, for the first time since I laid my eyes on him, felt happy and alive.

This was the longest night of my life. A hot, pulsing, July night that surrounded me, embraced me, like something living. Feelings inside me were growing, expanding, filling my heart, my veins , my whole existance with enthusiasm.
And he didn’t give up. He asked me everything, trying to find small details that would reveal who I was. I gave him nothing. He dared me to go and meet him, but that was definitely out of the question.
I don’t remember what early hour of the next day we decided to go to sleep. He might have slept, I don’t know. I was trying to manage all this thinking material in my feverish mind.
He answered my message!
Well, this was the most overwhelming fact of all. He could have denied speaking to a stranger, especially as he was an engaged man, but he didn’t. He spent his night trying to decipher my cryptic messages. Well, this kind of behaviour is not very commendatory of his loyalty, but as long as it depended on me, he would remain faithful to his fiancee. That was an irrefrangible rule. I never stopped thinking of her. No matter what, I felt guilty towards her.
On the other hand, things have turned out better that I had ever imagined.
And he was as sweet and playful and sharp as I always thought he would be.

My own personal miracle happened before my bewildered eyes.
And I let myself believe in it.
I kept my cell phone turned off during daytime. I didn’t want him to call me unexpectedly while I was at work. What should people think if suddenly my mobile rang and I went mad? Keeping my mobile turned off gave me time to be more composed the next morning.
Of course, my mind was fully occupied but with thoughts totaly irrevelant to my work.

I let one more day to pass and the following night I sent him another message. There was a good reason why I did it. Our first contact was the night Greece won a football match in Euro 2004, perhaps the one with Czech Republic. The second one happened the night of the final game.
I remember I had gone for a drive with my friend, because there was so much tense in the atmosphere what with the ongoing football match and my crazy expectations (which undoubtedly were the most important to me-who cares about football these hours of delirium).
I sent him an sms asking what did he think about the outcome of this game.
He was kind of surprised. The choice of the specific moment urged him. He was captive of his curiosity. I was captive of his existence.
He was more pressing this time. He wanted to listen to my voice. He was still thinking I was a guy. Perhaps he was right. I used to send my messages during football matches. It could be some kind of stupid joke. He insisted and -I don’t know how- finally I gave in. I answered his call. I spoke to him out loud. And, funnily enough, I am still alive to tell the story.
I will never be able to express the feelings that I experienced: agony, pain, a urgent need to start crying, joy, a more urgent need to laugh, to sing and dance and heat all over my body.
The words came out easily, without second thought, without effort. What I said or what he answered in return were of no importance. He was very kind. He never told anything insulting. He seemed to be genuinely astonished. He admitted that this situation was the most weird he had ever encountered. My voice sounded familiar to him.
And moreover, he wasn’t disappointed. He didn’t turn angry that I bothered him with the late revelation of my feelings. He should be. He was engaged. But he never mentioned it and I kept it in my mind. I had to remind it to him later, when the time would be appropriate.
But I hadn’t told him my name.
Oooh that made him really mad. He found a new subject to bring on. He wanted to know my name. Well, this wasn’t an absurd demand. Only I wouldn’t tell him, no way, no sir. It would be only too easy to find out more about me. My name isn’t exactly extraordinary, nor very common. It would be a good way to trace me.
So I went on talking to him all night long, carefully avoiding his never-ending attempts to collect vital information about me.
I don’t believe one may live many nights like this during one’s life.
I don’t believe I will, again.
I am thankful I had this night, I am thankful that I was so lucky.
This strange routine was repeated for several days-or should I say nights? I always chose to contact him at night, especially now that the mobile was not used just for sending sms. I had the insane fear that if he should call during daytime, when I would be at work, someone might call my name, and he could be able to hear it (through the mobile-classic delirium).
But he grew impatient. He wanted to see me, he demanded we should meet. I was absolutely determined we shouldn’t (Ha! how many things I was determined not to do from the beginning!).
My mind was always down-to-earth. I knew that if we met, even if we overlook the fact that I was physically, mentally and psychologically incapable of going and meet him, more problems would arise afterwards. What would happen? What would he think of me? What should we do after that? How was I suppose to look at him again? He was engaged, wasn’t he? And the most important, I felt guilty. I felt guilty because I knew he was engaged and I should have never, never dreamt of doing what I did. I felt guilty for his fiancee. Sometimes I was wondering if she was totally ignorant of the whole situation , or he had told her everything and they laughed at me. But I wasn’t brave enough to ask the question.
My friend kept telling me I should go and meet him. She finally talked me into doing it.
I was not so fond of the idea. I was striving for a good reason to avoid it.
When I told him that I agreed to this meeting, he happily informed me that he would come for business affairs in the city I was, after 2 or three days. The day was set. It seemed like Judgement Day to me.
I counted the hours, the minutes to this fatal Saturday. I even kept my phone turned on. He called me to tell me he had set off and that he would be there in a few hours.
I believe I was panicked to death. I couldn’t stand it. I couldn’t do it.
I was in pain, I was on the threshold of madness.
Minute after minute, time passed slowly and quickly, as if I was trapped in an incomprehensible dimension. I was about to leave mental sanity behind me for ever.
And then he called again. It was the first time I didn’t welcome his call. I hated him. Hated him with every power I had. Detested him. I felt sick.
He was happy and eager for our oncoming meet.
I was about ready to commit murder.
I called him back and told him I wouldn’t go.
He was shocked. He demanded to know why. For the first time he was angry.
I lost my temper. I was furious. Was he serious?
It seemed like the appropriate moment to mention his engagement to the other girl. How could he be so outrageous?How could he come there?
When I told him that no matter what I had done, I was not interested in meeting engaged men, he was shocked once more. He was aghast. He hadn’t thought I knew, which of course was a silly notion since I had managed to find out a lot of things about him. His engagement was a major thing to miss. I couldn’t fail to be informed about it.
I was angry with him as he was angry with me.
But he wanted us to meet, whatsoever. He overcame the first shock easily, and continued not to mention his fiancee, although everything was about her. He tried to convince me that it was not bad if we meet.
I didn’t yield to his arguments.
He was upset.
My memories from the next few hours are vague and unclear. I felt relief that I had escaped this meeting, but I also felt as if a train-or maybe two-had run over me. I remember we talked later, and we quarrelled.
I was mad at him, because he didn’t seem to realize, to understand the reasons that made me change my mind.
He stated that if we couldn’t meet, we couldn’t go on talking on the phone anymore.
He wouldn’t accept this situation anymore.
That was ok with me, and I let him know, but I am afraid I was a little too harsh on him.
And I believed that was the last time we spoke.