Internet Love Stories

By Dave Green

So you broke up with your girlfriend and after a few weeks you wonder how to get your ex back? Well you are not alone, nor are you the first person who goes through this. But before you charge her and try to persuade her to get back together, maybe you should take a step back and relax a little before you make any rash decisions.

When I wanted to get back with my girlfriend, I took it one step at a time, and went through a process of self evaluation and decision. I recommend you do the same and this way you will know that your decisions were made on solid ground and not as primarily an emotional act.

Step 1 – Why do you want her back? You need to look deeper into yourself and decide why you’re thinking about how to get your ex back. Don’t rush this phase. It is important. If you’ll get to the bottom of things you may come to the conclusion that you don’t really love her, and that you want her back just because you’re lonely. In most cases, this is not a good enough reason to get back with your ex. It’s better you’ll get yourself a life and start living them without her. This step is very important and you must get to the bottom of why you really want her back.

Step 2 – What went wrong the first time? If you don’t determine what made the relationship breakup the first time, there is little chance you will survive a second time. Just think about it – let’s say she broke up with you because you were excessively jealous . If you get back together and you don’t change your behaviour, than you will surely break up again in a few weeks time. That’s why it’s important to see what went wrong and to commit to change that. Oh, and in most cases, the person who has to change is you…

Step 3 – Setting up a meeting. After you got through steps 1 and 2 and feel ready to make the effort, call her up and ask for a meeting. In most cases she will agree, especially if you’re relationship was significant. Talk about the soul search you’ve done and tell her what’s going to change from now on. Will it work? well, if she still has feelings for you, there is a good chance that it will. Life are not certain, we all do what we can.

Step 4 – Keep your word. If you decided to give this another chance, than you must keep your word and make an honest, ongoing effort to become the man you promised to be.

So how to get your ex back is not rocket science, just a process you can go through and with a bit of luck your ex will be able to see the effort you are dedicating to make the relationship work. Good Luck.

About The Author:

Dave Green is a dating expert. You can find his experiences posted at his how to get your ex back blog. Just follow along as he posts his thoughts about the subject, and learn how to apply them to your life.

Popularity: 22% [?]

By Lucia D
Why do women date jerks? The answer to this question is
actually a lot more complicated than one might think. We
are going to have to blame Mother Nature for this seemingly
illogical behavior.

In his book “Sperm Wars”, Robin Baker says that humans are
biologically driven to ensure their genetic survival.
Males want to ensure that their genes inseminate; females
want to ensure that they are impregnated by the best
possible genes available. If you ask women what type of
guy they’re looking for, they’ll usually say they want
someone honest, faithful, ambitious, intelligent, etc.
However, this is not what they are usually attracted to.
Women are attracted to a man’s personality above all else,
and will use this as a measuring stick of his genetic
superiority or lack thereof.

A dominant male personality (jerks fall into this category)
is generally preferred over a male that is submissive
(otherwise known as a “wimp”). The former is sending an
unconscious message that he has great genes and is not
afraid of losing the woman by misbehaving. The latter is
sending a message that he doesn’t think his genes are good
enough, so he’ll put up with just about anything.

We also need to consider the “Triune Brain Theory”. In
1973, Dr. Paul MacLean, senior research scientist at the
National Institute of Mental Health, proposed that the
brain is made up of three subdivisions corresponding to
three evolutionary eras.

The first, most primal part of the brain is the reptilian.
It is responsible for mating and territorial behavior,
pecking order, defense, aggression and the emotions of
anger and fear.

The second part of the brain to develop was the limbic
brain. Love, sadness, jealousy and hope originate here.
It controls heartbeat, temperature, blood pressure and the
flow of neurotransmitters, all of which are affected by the
presence of someone we’re attracted to. Sexual stimuli
passes directly to it. It is impulsive and instinctual. It
is not receptive to reason and analysis. The newest part
of our brain, the neo-cortex, permits higher functions of
logic, thought, language, planning, reasoning and critical
judgement.

In “The Emotional Brain”, Joseph LeDoux points out that the
first two, older brains have a greater influence on the
neo-cortex than vice-versa, “making it possible for
emotional arousal to dominate and control thinking.
Although thoughts can easily trigger emotions we are not
very effective at turning emotions off.”

This means that the lower limbic system, which rules
emotions, can hijack the higher mental functions when it
needs to. It says, “You’ve found The One”. The neo-cortex
responds with, “Yes, but he seems to drink too much, I’ve
caught him lying and he doesn’t have a job.” The limbic
says, “I can live with that. He’s so handsome and it feels
so wonderful when I’m with him.”

You can see how even though a woman may say she wants a
nice guy, that is not necessarily who she is attracted to.
A great example of this is food. Do we make our choices
based on what’s good for us or on what tastes good? This
is what is happening when a woman chooses someone that
makes her feel good, but is not good for her.

The solution? Men need to find a happy medium between
being a bad guy and being a wimp. They can be strong and
take charge but they also need to know when to be more
sensitive and yielding. Women? They need to date a few
jerks to see that the emotional high they get from being
with them isn’t worth the pain and sadness that ultimately
ensues. Only then will they be able to turn the tables on
the limbic brain and make a logical choice.

About the Author:

Lucia is a dating/relationship expert, syndicated
columnist, author of Lucia’s Lessons of Love and host of
the TV Show “The Art of Love”. With over 20 years
experience on the relationship market, Lucia’s practical
know-how makes her the perfect candidate to dispense
relationship advice – after all, in almost every dating
dilemma she has been there, done that and lived to tell
about it.

Popularity: 17% [?]