18
July
2009

so let me start for the very beginning!

wayback 2003, in my sophomore year! i met this man, named igme, well, we came from just one circle of friends. at first we are just friends because as i know, he was courting our friend, and then, they become lovers. though i know that i was really the one whom he wants to court, but he was afraid that ill be rejecting him.

i was in a realtionship also that time, but unexpectedly, i broke up with my bf and he did as well, but we never intended to do it both.

JANUARY 17, 2004

we are invited to attend our classmate’s birhday. so we’re there and our friends also. we talked about non-sense things, laughed together and i get him a food for him to eat of course! it’s a start. night comes, we went home, but before i ride on a jeepney, he gave me something, it’s a flower! (a flower from a pumpkin) funny it is! night came, we talked over the phone! and boom! he had my yes! yeah, that same day and night, he became my bf!!

after a month, we celebrated our first month together, i went to hhis house with our friends, unfortunately some gossipers told my dad that i was with a guy, because she saw me, and she immediately reported it to my dad! that same month, i will be celebrating my 15th birthday! i was really young then!

and so, when i got home, my mom and dad, were both angry! super mad as if i did too much wrong decision in my life ever! they thought that i had sex with my bf. which i never and we never did and we never even try to do. he didn’t intended to do it to me. it was also the start of my burden in my life.my mom slapped my face, hold my hair as if she’s riding in a horse with my hair as her knot to hold on, she also hit me with his leather belt, she repeated it all over, again and again, until my whole body can’t feel the pain every time she hits me. and my dad, well, he did what my mom did to me, and too worst! he grabbed his gun and point it in my forehead, i thought he’s gonna push the trigger, i wish he just did! but he didn’t.

after that horrible day in my life, i was isolated. i didnt go to school, i am not allowed to use my cellphone, telephone and never been allowed to go outside the house. i think of killing myself that day.

until i realized how much i love him, its the start of sacrificing my life for him. i started writing letters for him in the middle of the midnyt, and i gave it to my cousin which is both our classmate, through that, they knew what had happened to me.

2004 – 2005

another school year had passed, i was allowed to go to school and we celebrated our 1st year anniversary but with a limited time. those days were also the start of my rebellion through my parents. i learned to cut my classes, o lie even more, to let my studies left apart and so on. so month of the march came, i am never allowed to go to school. i love him so much but im so young that i can’t do anything to fight for him, i can’t be with him, until i just wanna end up dying! those days, were the saddest and hardest part of my life as a teenager and as a human! my friends are also not allowed to be with me, i felt like i was with nobody. i feel like as if im a prisoner with a biggest and unforgivable sin ever! is loving a sin?

AUGUST 04 2005

it was his birthday, i bought him a cake, at this time i wasnt allowed to go to school because they saw me and him, together juz recently cut out class, so they told me that im never gonna study. until the night of this day comes, we have a pharmacy that time, i used to be the cashier of it, but my mom this day went home, and she got mad and very angry, she knew that i went to see him in a few minutes which i am never allowed to do. she told me to go home, then the electricity wire is waiting for me.. she hitted me, everywhere that she can hit me! my face, my wholebody, everywhere! i wanna die this time, i want to get a knife and just kill myself so she wont hit me anymore, but i never did, nor i didnt try to do it.

instead, i called him, they didnt knew that i bought a new phone, to keep on touch with him, to call him everytime i missed him. and so, that night, i wrote a letter, for my mom and dad, telling that i am going somewhere, this is the only way that i think could make me free, elope with him! i made up my mind as quick as i told him yes! when we became lovers. midnyt came, i prepared my things, a pair of clothes, undies and just a P60.00 in my wallet. where am i supposed to go with that amount of money,. but still i go on, iwent to their house at exactly 4:05 in the morning! he was shocked, and her mom as well. i want to be with him always, and thats the only answer i think can made us be together.

but we never succeeded, i was caught by my relatives and dad, he was teary eyed that time, he held me in his arms as if he dont wants to lose me, i feel so ashamed of what i did, it happened because i didnt listened to igme, and so thats why i got caught.we went home, they talked to me. and i go to school again after a day. i had the chance to see him everyday, but still my parents, family doesnt want him.

we celebrated our 5 years and 4 months anniversary last May. but i ended up everything with him. why? because things getting cold between the two of us! we often fight for some non sense things and so i decided to end it, even though it hurts really! but honestly, it wasn’t really the reason why i broke up with him, and why i have to just forget the sacrifices we had and faced together, well it’s because, my mom and dad, doesn’t and wouldn’t like him. they hated him as if he’s a bad person. i never told him that because i dont want to hurt his feelings, i just want him to think that i gave up on him, which i didnt. in my heart, he’s always be the person that i am dreaming to be with for the rest of my life.

but for now, i want to finished first my studies, and give my parents a chance to be proud of me again. and when i finally finished my responsibilities as a student, as a daughter and as a sister to my siblings, i will go back to him and make things all possible, whether my parents like it or not.

and now, i am currently a third year college student, one year to go, and I’ll have my diploma, i can stay with him after i have helped my family. Together we will build our very own dream life! if we are meant to be!

i always told him that “if we are meant to be in this life, one day in God’s will, he will permit us to be together, forever.”

(thank you very much for reading my story, it’s actually a summary of it, coz i know i will bore you if i make it as detail as it is.. thank you so much! may we all find our very own love of our life! good luck to all of us! GOD BLESS)

-MILANELLE


17
March
2008

By Dr. Grace Cornish Livingstone

You cannot imagine the number of times I have sat and listened to women cry with excruciating pain over being taken for granted after being in an unhealthy relationship, supporting an estranged lover financially. I have seen first-hand results of women walking around with broken hearts and empty wallets because of giving too much and not getting enough in return. In anguish they reflect, “I don’t understand what went wrong. I gave him everything I had. How could he have walked out on me after I took such good care of him?”

What is extremely unfortunate and sad in these cases is, the women feel that they have to earn a man’s love by buying it. They do not believe they are capable or worthy of being loved simply because of who they are, so they attempt to get the man’s love by what they can give—in this case it’s their hard-earned money.

Keep in mind, I’m not referring to a healthy give-and-take relationship where you help each other along the way; I’m talking about the unbalanced, lopsided loving, where the woman is the meal ticket for the type of guy who just sits around and plan how to get paid by always borrowing money from her and never paying back, or always “in-between” jobs, but never really working. The scheming gigolo gives decent men a rotten name and unsuspecting women a rotten game. This practice is more common than you can image. Many of the modern-day, macho gold-diggers openly admit, “Why should I sweat at a nine-to-five job when I can get a ‘Honey’ to dish out some money?”

To give you a deeper understanding and to make sure you never get fooled into paying for love, I’ve surveyed three hundred (300) women to find out what compelled them to pay for a man’s presence in their lives. Keep in mind, some of the women surveyed have been jilted by men they have kept in the past, and others are presently in relationships with men they are financially supporting. I received an interesting range of responses, but I have arranged them into four categories. Each of these personality types has either covertly or overtly persuaded the women to use finance to maintain his romance:

1. The Cover Boy. He is incredibly handsome. He is also referred to as a “pretty boy.” She is swept away by his exceptionally good looks. She enjoys the admiration other women bestow on him, and feels he is a prize to be won. In this case, she maintains him because he looks good on her arm—he is her trophy.

2. The Lover Boy. This personality type is usually a “roaming Romeo.” He is a lady’s man in the truest sense. He is very charming and smooth. It’s no secret that he has many women, but she wants to be the one woman who conforms or reforms him into monogamy. This gives her a sense of being number one and having the edge over the others. In this case, she maintains him because she feels special to be able to pry him away from other women—he is her ego booster.

3. The Joy Boy. If you looked in the dictionary under “sex appeal,” you would find this hunk described to the letter. He possesses a sensuous and natural animal magnetism. He is clean yet rugged, rude yet alluring. He is an intoxicating blend of fire and ice—with a mesmerizing sexual attraction that bids you “come hither.” In this case, she maintains him because he satisfies her sexually—he is her sex object.

4. The Toy Boy. He is much younger than she is. She feels privileged because with all the younger women out there, he has chosen to be with her. In most cases, the woman has had to work hard all her life and never had a chance to enjoy her own youth. He makes her feel as if she is making up for what she missed earlier. She feels rejuvenated, vital, and young again. In this case, she maintains him because he helps to recapture her youth—he is her fountain of youth.

If you’re in a “pay for play” unhealthy relationship where you are allowing yourself to be used as a cash-machine for a gigolo, stop fooling yourself that everything is hunky-dory. It won’t be when the “hunk-y” walks out the “door-y” and leaves you broke, alone, and sorry. Any time you have to pay a man to love you, no matter how subtle the payment, something is wrong. Take stock of yourself and place a high value on yourself. Realize that you deserve to have a compassionate and compatible man who thinks well enough of you to look out for your best interest—instead of one who tries to squeeze your finances dry like an orange in a juice extractor. Lose the user, and choose a champion because you deserve a healthy relationship!

About the Author: 

Dr. Grace Cornish Livingstone, on-air staff psychologist for the former Queen Latifah TV show, is one of America’s foremost relationship consultants. She is an award-winning, bestselling author of ten popular books, including 10 Bad Choices, The Band-Aid Bond, The Sacred Bond and You Deserve Healthy Love, Sis! Dr. Grace is currently the popular relationship columnist for the London-based Pride magazine. For Dr. Grace Cornish healthy relationship books and healthy relationship CDs visit www.myhealthylove.com