I don’t know how to start this ,Who will read this anyway…
Everything is on my mind but I don’t know how to write it.
It’s been 3 years now but until now nothing in this white screen… bahala na.
Let see how will I ended this story
Love, Work and studies can’t go together…” A simple yet cynical statement I have always believed in ever since. Not until a special guy came into my life and taught me how to make everything possible….
I can barely remember how it all started but I’m sure that I’m thankful it did. It all began one day in March 6 of 2005, one of my busiest days ever in my life. The whole org was problematic about the seminar. As part of this .I belong of the unforgettable class (everyone is working student) that every seconds is very much important to us. Most of my classmates were so busy making preparations on how we can make it that seminar, But I on the other hand was not busy as them that day.(As usual,walang pakialam) I really don’t care people around me besides I’m tired that time .Work and study is only in my mind…no more. Nothing .If I think I can , I don’t prioritize on it. and I don’t want to put anything on my mind if it’s not about work and school. For me were just in one square area drawing our future in our own way and as they said its in your hand who makes your life better, that’s why I don’t care to anyone only for myself. I just believe and live for myself that’s it besides gagraduate na ko next month(buti nmn).No more exams, no terror prof, no more epal classmate and no more books to buy (yeheeeyyyyyyyyy).
So, I idly making kwentuhan to my former classmate instead of helping my boring classmate but the truth is im asking a help on how we can make that. .As I entered my classroom again I was shocked that they choose me as a president of the seminar. MY GOLLy! ME? Why me? As my first response, OO IKAW AT WALA ng IBA PA.as my prof said, that I didn’t notice that he already came in our room,
“Your classmate will blamed you Ms Daria if you will not take it seriously ““don’t worry there’s another class will help you, they will be here on our next meeting One guy is the president of the other class so both president will share their knowledge about this seminar,”undersand?
“Dismissed! “As my prof ended our class
So I have no choice but to stand as a president
March 8 2005(one sweet day)
That was the time I had a chance to meet my special guy.
Until now im confused…uhmmm. How those classes becomes one? Their fulltime student and were not .maybe it’s about TIME management. Or maybe it happen for a reason just to meet this guy. Actually, the first time I saw him as he stand as the president of other class. He looks bading.(blah blah blah..ang daldal xe) It’s as if we know each other’s names, exchanged some hi’s and hello’s and that’s just it. But this particular day we had a chance to chat a little bit longer. I can say that we enjoyed each other’s company. Little did I know that that moment would eventually change my life…?(lakas ng pakiramdam ko nho).
As my prof discussed our duties and responsibilities to that seminar all I know is we can do it with help of each other. And so after that day, we had a lot more chats that eventually became conversations. He calls me at home and we would talk for half an hour or so.(thanks to suncell) Talking about seminar seminar seminar but days goes by it’s already our personal life and not that seminar anymore.
.At school, I look forward to our afternoon chats. We really enjoy each other He never fails to give me sweets and after class eating at jolibee to discuss the seminar… I remember.(at that time I didn’t know why.. but later on he told me it meant “Take care”… corny…. but sweet…). And so we became so close to each other that we never noticed that sometimes we were already isolating ourselves from the others, that they began to tease us as an item. even the staff of the fastfood Still childish at that time (sabagay until now) I decided to take a step back. I don’t even know if he noticed that, but before we knew it we were back on track. I guess we had a connection that keeps us back together… How could I ever forget the time he treats pizza our whole class and he told me his just celebrating that he met me,NAKS!(nambola pa). That was the time I felt I really was special to him. He would call me every now and then to check on me and to update with all that’s happening in school, news in tv patrol ,his dogs and asked about my work in Max’s restaurant .asking how many calling cards I received from the customers.(haha),
All is just friendship but we knew inside our hearts there’s something more behind that.
Feelings that we both never explain and never find the answer what’s inside those feelings
And then the special event comes. By this time, I felt something special about him nah.(.But actually the feeling is mutual.) I yearn to be with him, to talk to him and to laugh at his silly corny jokes more often.
Both class our very happy because it’s a successful seminar with our guest TIM YAP, yup you heard it right its Tim Yap.a model an entrepreneur and an event organizer. Our prof is very proud of us. Were both happy that day but again deep inside very sad because we will never see each other again. He cried and I was shocked why he cried for me and I didn’t notice that tears also flow in my eyes. But of course we don’t want to happened. the special friendship is there, nothing change and we don’t want to change it anything .what happen was we talk more, were dating ,the more we become close to each other I fondly remember how he nervously and anxiously asked that controversial query and when he heard my reply he was even more confused. I told him “Oo pero hindi” I was so perplexed I didn’t want to lose him but I was also not ready to commit to a relationship yet.
It was contrary to what I believe in, in the first place that love, and work and studies don’t mix. And I was too afraid to try. But it didn’t matter whether I answered the question concretely or not we just picked up where we left off. His sweetness and sense of humor always gets into me but I somehow don’t want to let him know that I feel that way. So we were struggling with our petty fights and childish arguments. A lot of times I admit I was at fault. Sometimes I get irritated easily over senseless things. But what I admired about him is the fact that he never complains. He just wants to make our friendship as perfect as possible but I was the one who made it difficult for us. But after all the heartaches and headaches I caused him, he never gave up on me. The more I got to know him, the more I began to like him. So many things happened. Bittersweet things that made me appreciate life even more.
But I can’t seem to enumerate all of them because my mind doesn’t permit me to. But as we became closer the more I was afraid about how I felt. I was hesitant about what I feel. But same as before we disagree with a lot of things. It was as if we fight everyday… More and more people were thinking that we were a couple already, maybe because we were affected with each other’s actions and reactions. But we were just best of friends we would defensively answer them. Seriously, I consider what we have as something like were “on” but officially we’re not. In lighter terms, it’s what they call today as “MU”(sounds baduy ba). We were comfortable that way, more than friends but not really lovers. He wants to finally made things official. But I say nothing instead I just reply to him just continue what we have that time I want to say yes but im afraid of something.
Im afraid to have commitment. He understand because he knew my past , he knew why im afraid, he knew everything about me.
.he understand …he hate the set up it but he stand for the unofficial love. Were both happy that time …….very much happy
. But there are still “periods of darkness like before”. And in between these ups and downs something happened that really put our relationship on the rocks. It was as if we were both put to a test whether what we felt is only ephemeral or not. I prefer not to mention the details because we’ve moved on from it. What really matters now is that we were able to prove to ourselves that we really love each other that much. We actually called it quits at that time but after a month or so, we talked things over and got back together. And from then on we were inseparable.
As we graduated from college, things were entirely different for us. I worked in hotel he worked in FEU as Admin Staff. Our relationship remained as solid as a rock. I guess it was because we knew each other too well plus the friendship we share was well-rooted in love and trust, something we are thankful and proud of.
After a year, we managed to make it through we still argue sometimes but the years have taught us to be matured individuals and talk things over. We’re not a perfect couple but we try our best to be one. We learned to keep trying, to be more understanding and to compromise with our differences. In the end it’s still unofficial and I hate my self for this.
This special guy’s still the same funny corny and moody as me . the same sweet and honest man. For those of you who don’t know whom I’m talking about, He’s none other than Mr. Mark Gil Hilario de Lunas, the guy who made me see things in a whole new way. My bes my adviser and my love. I learned a lot from our story and up to now I’m still discovering a lot of new things, even your not here anymore,
now I take back what I said earlier. Anything you pair with love is possible it just depends on how you deal with it and what you make out of it. And of course lift up everything to God almighty because he knows what would make you happy. I’m glad I took the risk of loving him because if I didn’t I wouldn’t have felt the happiness I have in my heart right now.
I love you so much Bes. And everyday I thank God for letting me know someone as loving, as sweet and as honest as you are. Thank you for keeping up with my mood swings and my tantrums. Thank you for your patience, for your never ending surprises and for your unconditional love. You’re not perfect, nobody is perfect anyway, but thank you for always trying to be one. I want you to know that I have learned to love everything about you. Though good and bad, I love you perfectly. And I’ll always will… You were a contradiction to everything I believe in. Before I met you; I didn’t know such a gentleman could exist. But to everything you were also an exception. An exception to the rule that men are born jerks and liars bec. You were never like that. I want to think that I am fortunate I met someone like you… but I believe that I am blessed because he gave you to me You were a good person to a lot of people but you gave your best to me. Words will never be enough… I am hurting, I am grieving… but the love and the memories you gave me gives me the strength to hang on to life. Life will never ever be the same without you but I know that you will always be watching over me. I love you so much and I will always will. I miss your advice “wag yan….”wag kang makulit”…u know…… “What’s the best is”…..”I think…..”cge na…..”ganto xe yan…alam mo ba…and of course “”relax”””……hahhaha .those words reminds me of you
it’s so hard for me.. this year is your firsts of everything.. of you not being here.. and of my feeling i’m on my own… it pains me so much whenever ocassions like this come and go..dati c mama lng ngayon na your two na,,all the important person in my life taken away from me. Am I really bad as what other person think about me.? I just feel your absence even more.. and i most especially felt .(wla na ko tagapangtanggol).. ’cause the blunt reality is ryt to my face.. you’re really never coming back.. never.. seeing you in sky when I look up is just tears and breaks my heart into bits and pieces.. i hate it.. i hate the feeling.. But I can’t do anything about it….but then I am thankful ’cause even though I can’t see you somehow I feel you’re here… I was still filled w/ so much love w/ the people around me. Your friend’s support and love just gave me enough strength to go on with that day that was equally supportive as well. Love was overflowing yesterday… but you can still feel that every beat of our hearts wished that they were spending the same day w/ you at a different circumstance… smiles and heartfelt stories filled the day… but everybody was missing the smiles and laughter you shared w/ us…the day was filled love… but not the kind of love you shared with me.. The kind of love that make my heart skip a beat… the love that made these knees weak… the love that made me feel complete, blissful and blessed. It’s so hard for me… that after feeling all these sorrow and pain i have to get back to my feet again… i can hardly get back on track and times like this make me loose some more steps again… but i have to. I feel that what I’m going through is hard yes, but it’s harder than you think… i have to be strong to face this but i have to be much stronger and overcome these emotions… sometimes i just want to feel numb.. And to say that I don’t care… i do that sometimes but at the end of the day reality still bite me… but it just bites me deeper and it hurts just so much more…
Bes, my mind and my heart is just so tired of this… why did you have to go so soon? You know, I didn’t want to wake up today thinking about what I have to do and the things I have to work just makes me weak even more… i just want the world to stop and give me enough time to mend my heart broken into bits and pieces today.. Time is just so unkind to me… but still here i am writing this… ’cause I realized there’s no other way but to get up and live my life… just pray for me there… i still can’t help it… tears flowed yesterday Bes… but not as hard as i thought it would… thank you for still looking after me.. Thank you for making sure I’ll be alright… im still not whole… i don’t know if i’ll ever be… but i’m just fine. my bes,my adviser, my kuya ,my tatay and my love, all is just a memory now.
A memory that I will treasure each day. all the smiles and laughter’s shared to anyone will always remind me that I make you happy also, do you think there someone will laugh in my corny jokes and give too much patience in my decision and toooooooo much patience on my attitude?..nunca,! For my being childish that sometimes I smiled and cried a lot…thank you for all the patience as everyday I get matured whenever you advice me,,,.
If I just knew, if I just knew…
I’m blaming myself for saying AYAW KO! As always sounds childish for asking a little favor, (smile ka nmn,) I miss these words.
, if I just knew, I will say YES in everything. If I just knew.
Ooops …my birthday is coming…..hah!
Anu kya surprise mo sakin…uhm…French fries? For sure kasamana tlga to. Letter? Handkerchief? Na lage ko niwawala…or ung german shepperd supposed to be na bbgy mu, hayyyyyy sayang! ako xe lage n lng ako xe, For sure no one will surprise me as you did…Hmmm, sana meron in other way. I know you will grant my wish as you always did…jowk! kainis! (selos nyan xa)hahah! I wish you are here. Of course NO ONE EVER REPLACE YOU.
Hope you are here to read this, I hope you are here,
If I could turn back time.I will make it official If I could turn back time.I will say yes If I could turn back time…i didn’t say goodbye If I could turn back time. I will not say that word If I could turn back time, I will say “im sorry” If I could turn back time I will not be jealous to anyone or to anything (“;)…promise! If I could turn back time. I will not say those words that make us separate If I could turn back time hnd na kita awayin ng because it’s just my trip… (“;) If I just could turn back time…I will answer your calls If I just could turn back time…..
How I wish I have takure of time quest that can turn back time…
I missed when you said”cge na” I missed when you said”puede na?” I missed when you said”magusap tayo” I missed when you said “anu to trip nnmn?” I missed when you said “ingat lage” I missed when you said”ako bahala” I missed when you said “I miss you” I missed when you said “I love you I missed everything about you
I’m sorry for making you cry I’m sorry for giving you headaches I’m sorry for making you sleepy at work I’m sorry for not replying in your messages I’m sorry for not saying yes I’m really sorry for saying ‘give me space” I’m really really sorry for saying goodbye I’m really really really sorry for everything.
Bes, Thank you
Thank you for the love Thank you for the memories Thank you for all the advice that’s make me matured Thanks for all the word you said that make me stronger Thank you for inspiring me Thank you for respecting me Thank you for the patience, long patience, long patience and long long long patience’ Thank you for the life you gave to me Thank you for being my bes,
I love you and I am missing you more each day…
I’m not the last but at least you make me special, there’s some guilt and regrets on my part, do you think losing you is the payment for all of this. I don’t think so because you don’t want me to cry.Right? please guide me in all my decision .(hayan,,y I make this letter nov1 instead in your bday,,?dunno .eh,,pinaalala mu lng ng ganto..oi ina,,ina naku,,ha naku ina,,ina ka tlaga.halika ka nga d2.!)hahha Can I shout now to hear how much I miss and I love you? For sure somebody already did it…uhmmm… I’ll try to visit you sa paguwi ko ha, and im really really sorry again. I blamed my self for what happened to us…dnt worry I’m starting to share this to my friends on what we have, even to my family na dn,atleast to ease the pain,,sayang talaga. If you are just here… I will not be unfair to you anymore. Hayan I make a letter to you to make it special wherever you are .at least nasasabi kona nho, even in the letter but at least I said it and I meant all this…pinaiyak mo nmn ako but then it’s a tears of remembering you.(cguro ur saying ;”;ikaw tlga”halika ka nga d2…..hayyyyyyy!.. Just remember everything and I hope all will be same if I saw you there. For sure mabait na ko pag andyan na ko.wag mu kong gugulatin but im expecting surprises coming from my angel and that’s you…nyahhhaha… I ended this letter with smile and next Nov 1 again, dnt asked y I choose this day xe I also dnt know (ngek).miss you my angel!!
Within my book of memories,
Are special thoughts of you.
And all the many nice things
You often say and do –
As I turn the pages,
And recall each single thought,
I realize the happiness
That knowing you has brought
There are memories of the times we’ve shared
Both bright and sunny days.
There are memories of your kindness
And your friendly thoughtful ways
There are memories of all those notes,
we would write back and forth,
When we would just get together,
And talk of this or that
And when I recall these memories
As I go along life’s way,
I find they grow more precious still
With every passing day
No one will ever replace you And my heart will only for you Everything will come to an end But my Love for you will never end
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