You cannot imagine the number of times I have sat and listened to women cry with excruciating pain over being taken for granted after being in an unhealthy relationship, supporting an estranged lover financially. I have seen first-hand results of women walking around with broken hearts and empty wallets because of giving too much and not getting enough in return. In anguish they reflect, “I don’t understand what went wrong. I gave him everything I had. How could he have walked out on me after I took such good care of him?”

What is extremely unfortunate and sad in these cases is, the women feel that they have to earn a man’s love by buying it. They do not believe they are capable or worthy of being loved simply because of who they are, so they attempt to get the man’s love by what they can give—in this case it’s their hard-earned money.

Keep in mind, I’m not referring to a healthy give-and-take relationship where you help each other along the way; I’m talking about the unbalanced, lopsided loving, where the woman is the meal ticket for the type of guy who just sits around and plan how to get paid by always borrowing money from her and never paying back, or always “in-between” jobs, but never really working. The scheming gigolo gives decent men a rotten name and unsuspecting women a rotten game. This practice is more common than you can image. Many of the modern-day, macho gold-diggers openly admit, “Why should I sweat at a nine-to-five job when I can get a ‘Honey’ to dish out some money?”

To give you a deeper understanding and to make sure you never get fooled into paying for love, I’ve surveyed three hundred (300) women to find out what compelled them to pay for a man’s presence in their lives. Keep in mind, some of the women surveyed have been jilted by men they have kept in the past, and others are presently in relationships with men they are financially supporting. I received an interesting range of responses, but I have arranged them into four categories. Each of these personality types has either covertly or overtly persuaded the women to use finance to maintain his romance:

1. The Cover Boy. He is incredibly handsome. He is also referred to as a “pretty boy.” She is swept away by his exceptionally good looks. She enjoys the admiration other women bestow on him, and feels he is a prize to be won. In this case, she maintains him because he looks good on her arm—he is her trophy.

2. The Lover Boy. This personality type is usually a “roaming Romeo.” He is a lady’s man in the truest sense. He is very charming and smooth. It’s no secret that he has many women, but she wants to be the one woman who conforms or reforms him into monogamy. This gives her a sense of being number one and having the edge over the others. In this case, she maintains him because she feels special to be able to pry him away from other women—he is her ego booster.

3. The Joy Boy. If you looked in the dictionary under “sex appeal,” you would find this hunk described to the letter. He possesses a sensuous and natural animal magnetism. He is clean yet rugged, rude yet alluring. He is an intoxicating blend of fire and ice—with a mesmerizing sexual attraction that bids you “come hither.” In this case, she maintains him because he satisfies her sexually—he is her sex object.

4. The Toy Boy. He is much younger than she is. She feels privileged because with all the younger women out there, he has chosen to be with her. In most cases, the woman has had to work hard all her life and never had a chance to enjoy her own youth. He makes her feel as if she is making up for what she missed earlier. She feels rejuvenated, vital, and young again. In this case, she maintains him because he helps to recapture her youth—he is her fountain of youth.

If you’re in a “pay for play” unhealthy relationship where you are allowing yourself to be used as a cash-machine for a gigolo, stop fooling yourself that everything is hunky-dory. It won’t be when the “hunk-y” walks out the “door-y” and leaves you broke, alone, and sorry. Any time you have to pay a man to love you, no matter how subtle the payment, something is wrong. Take stock of yourself and place a high value on yourself. Realize that you deserve to have a compassionate and compatible man who thinks well enough of you to look out for your best interest—instead of one who tries to squeeze your finances dry like an orange in a juice extractor. Lose the user, and choose a champion because you deserve a healthy relationship!

About the Author: 

Dr. Grace Cornish Livingstone, on-air staff psychologist for the former Queen Latifah TV show, is one of America’s foremost relationship consultants. She is an award-winning, bestselling author of ten popular books, including 10 Bad Choices, The Band-Aid Bond, The Sacred Bond and You Deserve Healthy Love, Sis! Dr. Grace is currently the popular relationship columnist for the London-based Pride magazine. For Dr. Grace Cornish healthy relationship books and healthy relationship CDs visit www.myhealthylove.com

Are you ready for real love? In this day and age of fast-paced and short-lived relationships, it’s challenging and many times difficult, to find good, solid, effective, and useful, information that helps to build healthy and long-lasting romantic relationships. Whether you’re single, married, divorced, or looking-to-be-married, these time-tested steps will help you and your current or future mate to create a long-lasting romantic bliss:

1) Always Be Your “True” Self

You are wonderfully and uniquely made by a loving Creator. If you find that you have to act or try to become someone you weren’t born to be, in order to fulfill someone else’s expectation, then something is seriously wrong. A true love will appreciate you for who you are and what you bring to the relationship, and vice-versa. If you feel as if you’re being pressured to alter your character to do things you wouldn’t usually do (drink, drugs, pre-mature sex, lie) so that the person will continue to see you, that’s a certain sign that things are unhealthy. Your true love will gladly embrace you just for who you are—so don’t be afraid, step out in faith and show your true self.

2) Develop Deep Communication with Each Other

A healthy relationship goes much deeper that a surface affair. Even though you may both look good arm-in-arm, or standing next to each other, whether at a concert, family reunion, Movie Theater, or at church, can you talk when you’re alone? What’s going on in your conversations—are they deep and meaningful or surface and bland? Do you discuss personal hopes, dreams and goals, or just talk about the weather and the plot to the latest drama? Can you count on each other to lend a listening ear, good advice, and undivided attention?

Good, honest, and deep conversation will keep you deeply connected. When in doubt, talk it out. Always keep the lines of communication open in your relationship.

3) Don’t Ignore, but Explore Your Differences

Do your personalities blend well? Is one of you on the optimistic path while the other is on the pessimistic side of the road? Opposites may initially attract, but eventually they can repel each other. It’s important that your personalities are compatible.

If one views life through rose colored glasses, while the other is always singing-the-blues, then you have to make some sort of adjustment to accommodate each other. The simple truth is oil and vinegar make an excellent salad dressing, but they don’t mix well in romantic relationships, unless both personalities can explore each other and find some sort of balance. If you can adjust and love each other’s personalities, regardless of any differences, and bring out the best when you’re together, then this is a winning combo, and you could very well be a dynamic-duo in a life-long healthy relationship.

4) Share Similar Interest and Values

You don’t have to have the exact interests. As a matter of fact, having diverse preferences can help you to share new and exciting things with each other. However, make sure you have at least a few common interests, so it won’t be an ongoing battle over what to do and where to go to keep you both satisfied. You may have to compromise in some areas like sports, politics, movies, shopping, music, etc. Keep in mind that compromising doesn’t mean depriving each other of their individual interests but instead it means participating in each other’s interests.

5) Discuss Your Spiritual Beliefs Together

If you’re not on common ground with your beliefs about who and what God means to each of you, this will eventually cause a rift in your relationship. Don’t try to conceal your true beliefs and hope that it will all just one day fall in place—it won’t. Make sure you talk about your faith honestly and openly with each other. There’s a wise adage that states, “The couple that prays together, stays together.”

6) Appreciate Each Other’s Unique Body Temple

Let’s face it, we’re all built differently. We come in a variety of shapes, sizes, and shades. In order to have a healthy physical and emotional relationship, you must embrace and appreciate each other’s total package. One of the worse things a couple can do to each other is to fantasize or try to fit their mate into someone else’s body image. When you throw away preconceived “ideal body type” perceptions, you’ll enjoy the true worth of your partner.

I remember years ago, one of my college friends, Nicolette, a five-foot-eight-inch, former beauty queen, adamantly refused to date any man under the six-foot mark. Her preconceived idea of the “ideal match” was “an athletic hunk who would be paid well for playing ball—footfall, basketball, or baseball would qualify him—as long as he had the height, the muscles, and the billfold.”

Well, after a whole lot of heartbreaks, shallow relationships, and a completely new outlook on life, she eagerly reports that she has been very happily married to a five-foot-five-inch dentist for over five years and “has since been blessed with two wonderful children to complete her healthy marriage.”

Nicolette would have missed out on the love of her life had she remained stuck with false perceptions. Don’t let this happen to you. Admire, appreciate, and enjoy your companion’s body temple.

7) Talk About “The S-&M Factor” (Sex & Money)

Two of the biggest destroyers of healthy relationships are the misuse, abuse, lack of or over-use of sex and money (the S & M Factor). Both are very important and very personal in your love life. Yet, unfortunately, most couples make the mistake of not setting quality time aside early in their relationship to discuss these two vital components. To put it bluntly, “You’ve got to know where you’re heading, before you get to the bedding; and know what you’re spending before it gets beyond mending.”

In deep romantic relationships, there is a world of difference between “having sex” and “making love,” just as there is a major difference between being “involved” and “being in love.” The misuse of sex, just like the misuse of money, causes major turbulence in relationships. These can be dangerous influences which overwhelm your relationship; or they can be healthy tools for intimacy and success. It’s up to both you and your partner to know what sex and money means to each of you, and to make sure that you share your beliefs and feelings with each other. Otherwise, both the sex and money issues can become major conflicts which will destroy even the deepest love.

8 ) Try to Get Along With Each Other’s Friends-n-Families

Although your happiness ultimately depends on how well the two of you get along with each other, some input from loved ones can be frosting on the cake. Do you have a healthy interaction with each other’s close associates? Make sure you ask some supportive family members and/or dear friends their opinion about your choice in mate. If the advice is not what you want to hear, examine it closely, evaluate the source, pray about it, and make up your own mind anyway. Make sure you also meet your mate’s family and closest friends, and discreetly observe their interactions with each other. Look if there is any dysfunctional family pattern that you need to address and get help with. There is a wise old saying, “Show me your company, I’ll tell you who you are.” Chances are, if your partner has a healthy interaction with loved ones, you will also get the same treatment—and so much more!

9) Stay Away From Negative People

It’s important to make a special note here, that although the interactions of relatives and friends can be a plus in building a healthy relationship, some, unfortunately, can also be a minus. If you face unhealthy interference and discouragement from loved ones because of their personal insecurities, don’t let them have any influence in your relationship. Both you and your mate must be on the same page and decide to keep negative people out of your personal love life in order to love and grow together in a harmonious, healthy relationship.

10) Learn to Laugh Together

This one doesn’t need much explanation—if there’s no joy, there’s very little hope. Laughter keeps love alive. Find something that you can both get a good hearty laugh from. Here’s a little secret that works wonders: A good sense of humor and a pleasant disposition has a magnetic attraction that makes people always want to be in your presence. How can that special person resist your gorgeous smile and sparkling eyes? Go ahead, laugh a bit—have fun and enjoy!

There you have it—the practical, useful and effective steps that will surely enhance your current or future relationship. You deserve to have an enjoyable, exciting, and loving healthy relationship with someone who loves you, just for who you are. You are worth it!

About the Author:

Dr. Grace Cornish Livingstone, on-air staff psychologist for the former Queen Latifah TV show, is one of America’s foremost relationship consultants. She is an award-winning, bestselling author of ten popular books, including 10 Bad Choices, The Band-Aid Bond, The Sacred Bond and You Deserve Healthy Love, Sis! Dr. Grace is currently the popular relationship columnist for the London-based Pride magazine. For Dr. Grace’s relationship books and visit www.hopenetinc.org or www.myhealthylove.com

The odds are good that you have seen those people who seem to
magically draw people to them. They always seem to have a date
or someone who wants to date them. You’re not alone. Many
people feel like everyone else is more successful in love than
they are. It has less to do with physical appearance, your
bank account, and being outgoing than you would think. It’s
often more about using the positive energy in your life to
fulfill every aspect of your life including the romantic
element.

You are probably wondering what all of this energy talk is all
about. You have heard of the ancient Chinese philosophy of
Feng Shui. It revolves around the concept of creating a space,
your home, that encourages the flow of positive chi. It affects
every aspect of your life in a good way if done correctly.
This isn’t to say that every person with a successful love life
uses Feng Shui, but it certainly won’t hurt to encourage some
good vibes to come your way in the love department. After all,
we all want to become a magnet for love.

So how does one go about using Feng Shui to become a love
magnet? The first step is pretty unexciting, but it does get
better. You will need to focus on the bedroom since you are
looking for romantic love. Cleaning the room from top to
bottom is an essential step that can’t be overlooked. Just
because no one gets into your closet or looks under the bed
doesn’t mean you can ignore those areas. They are important
too. Get rid of things you no longer use or need. They create
a hindrance to the flow of good energy. While you are clearing
things out that you don’t need, this is also a good time to get
rid of any reminders of old flames. You don’t want that past
energy infecting any future or current relationship. If you
don’t want to throw them out at least get them out of the
bedroom. Make space for your new love interest in the closet,
leaving some hangers empty and clear out a drawer of the
dresser. This will encourage the arrival of someone new.

Now that all of the things left behind from your old love life
is out of the room and you have a clean slate to start with,
take a good hard look at your bed. With any kind of luck, your
bed is no larger than a queen. A king sized bed is a hindrance
to the natural intimacy that you are looking for. With the
correct sized bed in place, you are well on your way to using
Feng Shui to become a love magnet of huge proportions, or at
least to the proportion that will find you a significant other.
Consider the placement of the bed in the room as well. There
should be room to walk on either side of it. If not, it isn’t
very welcoming to a new lover and the positive energy will be
less efficient at moving about the space.

Still dealing with the bed, your choice of bedding is very
important in regards to Feng Shui as well. Just like every
book or article you have ever read about love and finding Mr.
or Ms. Right says, your bedding should reflect your desire for
intimacy and romance. Think about using satins, silks, or a
high quality all cotton sheet set that invites touching and
romance. Of equal importance, you should also look for a
comforter that is soft and comfortable to lounge on.

The color of your decor is vitally important as well. Without looking
like a product of Hallmark, you can create a romantic look that
still fits in with your personal style. If pink, white, and red
aren’t your idea of good decorating colors, try using them as
accents or in different tones, like salmon or coral. Make your
bedroom a haven even when it is just you in it. Use plenty of
throw pillows on the bed to create the perfect place for
relaxation. The rest, and the new partner, are sure to follow
soon with all of the positive energy you have created.

Another thing to remember when you explore the new world of
Feng Shui and becoming a love magnet is to pay attention to the
photos you display in your bedroom. Keep pictures of the kids
or other family members in another room. There isn’t anything
sexy about children’s pictures or photos of dear old mom and
dad. Place those in the living or family rooms. Instead
display paintings and prints of happy couples or inviting
scenery. It is important to always have artwork depicting two
items.

Feng Shui can help you turn into a love magnet in no time.
Before you know it, you’ll be looking to this ancient practice
to further enhance your new found relationship.

About The Author:

Candace Czarny, ASID,CFM,LEED AP, “Award Winning” Interior Designer Feng Shui Expert is continually ranked Top 10 in Google and Yahoo. Clients testify of dramatic results!

What is the first thing that you usually do when you wake up in the morning? Do you stretch and smile, eager to start your day? Or do you throw the covers back over your head, wishing that you could “fast-forward” past the day and all of the responsibilities that await you?

When your feet finally meet the floor and you make your way towards the bathroom, do you smile at the person staring back at you in the mirror? You should, because that is the only person who you can truly depend on to make you happy. When you put your happiness in the hands of others, you will soon realize that you will be setting yourself up for disappointment.

You’d be surprised to find out how much joy you can bring into your life by simply treating yourself good. Self boosters such as smiling every time you pass a mirror and telling yourself how gorgeous you are can make a huge difference in the way you feel about yourself. Think of how good it makes you feel when a stranger pays you a compliment or when someone tells you how brilliant they think your ideas are. The truth is we don’t really need others to make us feel this way. Even though it’s nice to hear these kinds of things from others, we possess the ability to create this for ourselves, but only ten times better.

Just as others can easily make us feel good about ourselves, they can also say things that can easily lower our self esteem. For instance, overhearing someone mention how big your thighs are, or a group of kids on the bus laughing as they use you as an example of a whale. A person with a healthy self esteem would not be affected by such things. We are all aware of our personal flaws, and trust me, we all have them, but once we learn to accept the ones that can’t be changed as a part of who we are and make an effort to change what we want to change, only then will we see that others will accept us too.

Talk to yourself…

Don’t worry; no one will think you’re crazy–if they do just sarcastically invite them to try it for themselves. In a world where talking to ourselves would label us nutty, it is completely normal and extremely healthy in one particular sense. When we make it a habit to tell ourselves positive things, and use words such as “I can” and “I will” instead of words like “I can’t”; we simply eliminate any room left for negativity to affect our lives.

Positive thoughts and positive actions can only lead to positive results. Tell yourself how proud you are of you and don’t be afraid to give yourself a hug from time to time. Often times, our past can find ways to blind us from our promising futures. Always remind yourself that “yesterday is gone, forget about it–today is here, enjoy it!” Learn to accept each new day as a brand new adventure, with a brand new opportunity, to make it better than you could ever imagine.

Even when times are not so good, understanding that you hold the power to make it better will grant you a sense of peace. Patience enables our hopes and dreams to become a reality.

Living in this day and time, stress seems to lurk under everything we fix our eyes on. With matters of employment, obtaining a job is difficult within itself; but lacking a college education can bring a person to feel as low as the sugar settled to the bottom of a cup of coffee. Another thing, the cost of living often exceeds the average salary; forcing many of us to take on additional jobs in order to barely “get by”.

Money has a tendency to greatly affect our happiness, wellbeing, confidence, and self worth; it can literally alter the way we view the world. When we are unemployed, we may feel worthless, we may feel like a failure more than anything else, and worry about how the rest of the world perceives us.

There is a saying that goes “Why stress what cannot be changed in a moment’s time”. Being hard on yourself will only make matters worse and will only put a damper on your spirit. Instead, do something nice for yourself that will help lift your spirits; even if only for the time being. The key is learning how to take a step at a time. Reducing stress will help you to focus more energy into the things that you are trying to accomplish. Some enjoyable stress relievers include warm baths, reading, listening to music, reading a book, taking a walk, enjoying the company of family and friends, cooking, meditating,
and basking under the gentle glow of scented candles.

Nothing is EVER as bad as it may seem.

Our minds are powerful tools, and if we allow it, they can take us on irrational rollercoasters. Think back to when you were a child; did a monster ever actually come out from under your bed or come leaping out of your closet? I would hope not! Use that same general idea and apply it to some of your fears as an adult. The only differences are upgraded fears and wisdom due to age.

The only thing you possibly have to fear about your life is fear itself. It is because of fear and doubt that we are so hard on ourselves. When you finally learn and make a choice to become your own best friend, every time you walk past a mirror, the words “I love you too” will surely find a way to escape from your lips.

About The Author:

Siobhan Gamble writes for Successful Office, which is an answering service and call center business hub. The company can make any business look like a large corporation overnight, with friendly staff, toll free numbers, great service and more.

When your relationship or marriage is going downhill, you
have to learn to take time to pause, ponder over your
relationship circumstance, and look for solution instead of
mistakes.

Whatever you do, focus on holding tight to your partner’s
hand, so that he or she will not be beaten by the
destructive forces that are coming their way and hurting
the relationship.

It is well for us to understand that genuine love is not a
simple, definite feeling that can be easily comprehended
and controlled.

It is a delicate compound of many of our most powerful
tendencies and emotions. To love is not a simple or
voluntary act; it is a life of spontaneous, complex and
continuous activities.

True love between man and woman may manifest itself
suddenly, forcefully and almost simultaneously in the
consciousness of each. There is no doubt that many couples
mutually “fall in love at first sight.” On the other hand,
genuine love may be a matter of slow growth, requiring
months to unfold and years to mature.

Some of the most delightful marriage unions known have
resulted from a slowly developing love. Some persons are
very susceptible to the charms of physical beauty or to the
attractions of character, and immediately surrender to them
when opportunity offers.

Others are slow to receive impressions, distrustful or
appearances and cautious in all that pertains to so
important a matter.

Many relationship cases of “love at first sight”, with
almost an immediate marriage, have proven entirely
harmonious; but such spontaneous and rapid alliances are
comparatively rare, and more rarely satisfactory.

As a rule, it is much wiser for young couples, even though
they may feel irresistibly drawn toward each other, to meet
many times under various circumstances before concluding
that they are really so completely in love with each other
as to marry.

Frequent meetings, with opportunities for a careful study
of each other’s tastes and peculiarities, the inevitable
friction of mind with mind in repeated conversations, and
such disclosures of principles, desires and habits as will
inevitably result from repeated association and increased
knowledge of each other’s ambitions and deepest longings.

For myself, the occasional accidental or prearranged
meetings with my partner and long time friend, when are
deeply interested in each other and dreaming of love – the
walks and rides taken together, the public gatherings
attended in each other’s company – all contribute not only
to an increased knowledge of each other’s character, but
also tend to harmonize and blend our tastes, principles,
purposes.

When things went wrong, I often asked myself, “What exactly
happened when he strays? What exactly contributed to our
conflicts when everything seemed to be going so well for
us? What had I done to allow another person to come into
our lives so easily and quickly??”

I’ve come to a conclusion.

And my discoveries could well give you some insights which
you can adopt and adapt to your own relationship
circumstances.

I’ve discovered I myself cannot help but be attracted to
another person who can confirm my doubts, fears and
suspicions.

In fact, if there is one other person who can grab my
attention and remove my focus away from my mate, this WILL
be a person who knows this unusual and little known secret.

You do not need to take a great deal of time to understand
this secret. In fact, it has often been used by leaders who
can persuade and motivate large masses of people. It could
also have been used by one of your closest friends, on YOU!

Now, think about this, in your daily life, are you saying
all of these or behaving in these ways during your
interaction with your partner/spouse:

~ When your mate claims that he (she) is tired, instead of
assessing the situation, do you immediately and impatiently
blame him/her for being lazy or inconsiderate?

~ When your mate expresses his/her fear of giving that big
presentation for the company the next day, do you ask
him/her to just get over it and work hard on polishing the
speech tonight?

~ When your partner complains to you about the unfair
treatment he/she is receiving from the vendor from whom he
has bought his ipod, do you say “serves you right for not
listening to my advice about buying from that vendor”, or,
do you say “well, he needs to do business”, and then you
proceed to give him some “moral” lessons which he can take
away with him tonight?

I certainly have made all these mistakes.

By dismissing my partner’s feelings, doubts, fears or even
suspicions, I leave myself (and my partner) vulnerable to
my rivals who knowingly (or unknowingly) are able to make
use of these simple principles.

Many parents too have made this mistake with their
children, perhaps unknowingly. I remembered when I told my
mother that “I’m scared of the test tomorrow”; she gave me
a scolding, for not working hard for my test earlier. “You
wouldn’t feel unprepared and fearful if you had done your
work!” was all she could say.

Naturally, I found myself listening more to my friends and
classmates than to her. If I confided in my friends with
the same statement, they would tell me, “Look. It won’t be
easy. I’m not well prepared too. But, we can do something
about it!”

If you take some time to think about it, it wouldn’t be
difficult to understand why I would listen more to my
friends than to my parents. I got the feeling “hey, we are
on the same boat! YOU are the only one who understands me
(my feelings!)”

My friends have more power over me than my parents. And all
the while my parents are puzzled why “I’m so disobedient!”

This also explains why people leave long term relationships
and marriages for another person who are able to
“understand them” better than their current partners!

About the Author:

My Relationship Restoration Formula has astounded even
the MOST skeptical! If your lover is backing away from your
passion for them, learn how you could easily get your Ex
back. FREE special report has worked for one of my clients
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