You should not feel that your failed marriage is the end of the world. You should not reside on the past and instead, move on and start livelihood your life again. Men who have newly gone through a divorce may start dating in no time at all, so what makes you different from them?

In order for you to deal with the challenges associated after a divorce, the first thing that you have to do is recognize the fact that your marriage is over. There are some things in life that are bound to fail; you cannot blame yourself for what had happened. Life, as they say, must go on. Spill out any ill feelings or pain you are still harboring from within you with family members and friends that want to support you.

Well, the good thing is that you can resolve this minor hiccup easily. Women over 40 dating again is possible and more importantly, you can do it successfully. In fact, being of a mature age will allow you to offer a lot to the opposite sex as far as life experience is concerned.

After your realism check, take charge of life again. Go out with your friends and mingle with other people. Remember, it is never too late to meet new associates and immerse you with what life has to offer. It wouldn’t hurt to ask some of your friends to set you up with single men they know. There’s nothing wrong with that, right? You may also want to consider signing up in online dating websites. Since you are again, the opportunities are immeasurable – explore and be open to new ideas.

Another thing to indicate that you have moved on with your life is by altering some attributes about yourself like hairstyle or wardrobe. It is of utmost importance that you turn yourself into a guy attraction. Become aggravated and make yourself attractively single all over again. Be positive, self-assured and simply enjoy your life to the fullest. Men are drawn to women who are fun to be around with; not those who are full of negativity within them.

You need to feel at ease in places. wherein you are likely to meet plenty of people. You may also want to consider joining groups in which you can encounter new associates. Take up a sport and hobby. Not only will this be a good way to meet new friends, but it will also allow you to improve on an exacting talent.

You see, dating after divorce for women is practicable. A failed marriage should not be a hindrance from enjoying the company of friends – both old and new. This is really the best split second to get on with your life and start reliving the dating scene again.

We heard today that the Reverend Ed Young of the Fellowship Church in Grapevine, Texas plans to tell his congregation this coming Sunday that he wants married couples to have sex all week long. He says that God may have rested on the seventh day, but he wants married couples to have sex every day for a week!

He goes on to say, “I won’t be dressed in pajamas” while delivering his sermon while sitting on a bed. In these days of financial crisis, debates over same-sex marriage, and the like, it’s time, he says, to turn the “whining” into “whoopee.”

The question is, where do you start with debunking such a ridiculous notion. Let us count the ways!

For starters, we all know that good sex can be fun, romantic, exciting, and something that makes most consenting adults feel warm and fuzzy all over. Over the years we have interviewed thousands of successfully married couples and most report a reasonable degree of satisfaction with their sex life. But here is our most important research finding concerning this issue – no marriage was ever saved or made successful because the couple had a great sex life!

And more importantly, when we ask successfully marriage couples how important sex is to the success of their marriage – to rank on a scale of 1-10 with 10 high – the average rank was 6. This finding has held true over the 26 years of our research. That’s hardly a resounding endorsement for the importance of sex in a marriage.

You see, marriage is a multi-faceted relationship, and in the best marriages no one aspect stands out as the make or break part of it. The truth is, and as we report in our new book Golden Anniversaries: The Seven Secrets of Successful Marriage (©2008), there are seven pervasive characteristics present in all successful marriages. And guess what, sex is not one of them! Sex is only a part of one of the seven characteristics and that is reported in “The Loving Touch” chapter of our book.

As we say so often in our many interviews and writings, all of the married couples representing the best marriages we have interviewed have shared with us the importance of touching in their relationship. One gentleman we interviewed told us that if he passed his wife in the house a hundred times a day, he touched her. To touch someone you love is to acknowledge their presence and to communicate your love for them. That’s why the most successfully married couples amongst us do it so often.

In our humble opinion, Reverend Young’s charge to his congregation to have sex seven days next week not only cheapens the importance of healthy and positive sex with someone you love, but it also reinforces the silliness that great sex will save your marriage – that sex is the centerpiece of all good marriages.

As you know from our many writings, we believe that the overemphasis on sex in books about love and marriage cause people to believe that if they don’t have stupendous sex everyday there is something wrong with their marriage. Trust us on this – marriages that fail do so for a variety of reasons and not for a single reason.

We are sure the good Reverend is well intentioned with his challenge to his congregation, but we believe his advice is misguided as it once again overemphasizes the importance of sex in marriage. To single out sex is to blow its importance entirely out of proportion to its relevance to a great marriage. We wish people would stop doing that!

In our chapter about “The Loving Touch,” we report many first hand accounts from successfully married couples who report how important the human touch is to a loving marriage. They hug each other often, the kiss, they touch each other while talking, they sit cheek to cheek on the couch while having a conversation, they curl around each other when they sleep or just gaze at the stars, and yes, they have sex from time to time – when it’s right for them and not forced by some arbitrary “have sex everyday rule!”

You see, people touch each other in many, many different ways and no single form of touching wins the day. It’s what we like to call “the accumulation of touching” that matters. Touch the one you love often and in whatever way your heart desires. It’s that human connection that wins the day – and wins the marriage! The simple truth is, the best marriages engage in a lot of touching, sex is only one of them.

Touch well! Love well!

   The first day we connected, I heard you talking, joined in the conversation. I was immidiately attracted to you. I sought out to have more conversation with you. We took a break by the back of the building and talked much more in private. I knew you were someone I was going to be connected to right away! I asked you to stay after work to chat with me more. You stayed, which shocked me, since you were working a double that day! We connected again that night as well, and we laughed and shared thoughts and feelings. We exchanged e-mail addresses and I wrote you for the first time that night from work, cause I so wanted to talk with you again. In that letter I know we had joked about us getting a one bedroom apartment and how we would arrange it with the four of us together, who would have ever have known that we would literally go there one day. I only worked there for two weeks!   I only worked with you that once in which we connected. Got fired shortly afterwards, we never worked together again after that night, but we had already connected and started in motion a relationship.

   Our first date! What a night! I think I could write a book on it if I had the time! We had e-mailed and chatted online for about a week. I had learned that she liked Arabic things, so I looked online for an Arabic restraunt to take her too. I wanted to be sure that she knew that I listened to her, and that I cared about what she said. I had to deal with the fact of telling her I was still married, but separated in mind and in spirit. I had practiced all day long with my mother and my best friend Marie on how to tell you this. I was sick to my stomach about it, cause I stood to lose her if I didn’t approach it the right way. I knew what was in my heart and I needed to be sure to convey it correctly to her. The Arabic place was very nice, she was even suprised when the belly dancer came out and started dancing. Since again it was something she had conveyed to me in that week about something she was very much into. I think she knew right there and then, that I was serious about us and this was not a fly by night relationship I was working on. I had arranged for us to go to the landing in downtown Jacksonville that night. I wanted to be close to the water, cause I knew we were both stronger emotionally next to it. We walked around a bit and enjoyed the Christmas decorations. She was like a kid in a candy store seeing the huge lighted tree and all the lights and ornaments. I walked with her all the while thinking about what needed to be discussed. I tried to find a warm quiet place and looked around for one. I remember telling her I had something to say, and she stared me dead in the eyes, which made it even harder. I told her, and of course she was shocked inside to hear what I had to say. We walked some more by the water while I gave her time to internalize it in her head. We ended up sitting down in a pavillion next to the water where we talked about it more. It ended with both of us still feeling connected. We walked a little more, and I stopped her and gave her a big hug. This was our first true embrace, we almost kissed there as well. I know I had wanted too, but she turned her head before I planted my lips. We ended up on a bench outside while we watched the Christmas tree perform a light show in sync with music. I moved her so I could massage her shoulders for her. We soon ended up with her in my arms sidways on a bench upstairs. We finally kissed, and it was like nothing I could ever forget. I had kissed many times before but with her it was pure electricity. I was already falling in love with her. We had both broken so many rules that night in regards to what we said we were that night. It was like the rule book in life for ourselves was thrown out! We had both agreed on that we don’t like to kiss on first dates!! I guess it was meant to be, and I now had seen her in a totally new light. From that point on I knew that I was going to have a relationship with this woman. Now to what degree I had no idea.

We never stopped talking from the one night that we meet at work. We have talked EVERY SINGLE NIGHT ever since then. Sometimes for many many hours, sometimes for only a short moment. One thing though that we agreed on is without a spoken word is that we would never let a night go without somehow connecting. I cannot begin to tell you how connected I feel with her. We feel every single emotion together and every single thought. We don’t even have to talk together to know what the other is feeling. It is like we are twins or something and are connected at the mind together. It really does amaze me in that sense, that we are so totally connected in mind and spirit. It has been about three months from that infamous first date, and we have not stopped loving each other since. We are now in the middle of planning to move out, and start a new life together. Who would have ever known from a simple meeting of the minds that we would have grown to love each other to this level of understand and commitment!

James

3/23/09