From then, every time I logged on to chat, he messaged me from out of the blue. But that was ok, he seemed nice, and he began to amuse me. I thought of him as VERY cocky, confident, sure of himself, and what a flirt! He cracked me up! I never took him seriously and I was sure he was flirting with multiple women. I always cut him short and dissappeared from on-line which, unbeknowns to me, drove him crazy that i was so elusive.

We started to have longer, more indepth conversations, we became good mates, me all the time laughing at his flirting. We were both married, both with 4 children. My husband was away a lot with work, His wife was away a lot with his children. We grew closer. We shared a lot of ourselves with eachother. It became more serious. I no longer laughed at him when he flirted, and if i did, he was hurt.

4 months had passed with our random chatting, when he asked me on a “date”. Would I meet him on-line on Valentine’s Day? My heart skipped, this was a bit serious! But I was excited, and said yes. We logged on to the chat that evening. Me in Perth, Western Australia and him in Sydney, some 7 or so thousand of miles away on the other side of the country. We didn’t sleep that night, we talked all night on-line, with him finally having to leave to go to work at 6 am. When we said good-bye, we said “I Love You” to eachother, it felt right.

It was right. I had fallen in love with him! He was funny and cheeky and caring and loving and interesting and everything I could ever wish for in a man. I had began to feel bored and lonely. I felt my husband was only interested in me physically, he dissmissed my intelligence, and dissmissed me as a person. So to be stimulated on this level I felt worthy, I felt like I was someone, I felt interesting.

We exchanged mobile numbers and were texting and sneaking phone calls when we could. To everyone around us we were addicted to the internet. My husband took the modem and hid it from me. And he was experiencing problems getting to me via the net at his end. We were in trouble. We were in love with each other and we were in trouble!

We wanted to meet in person. He knew what I looked like from my photo on the net but I had no idea what he looked like. I didn’t CARE what he looked like, I loved him. We spent some weeks trying to plan how we could meet, when, where. We had spouses to deal with, and children and friends and lives. But we were crazy, we didn’t care at that point. We had to meet, we had to see eachother in person, we just had to.

We decided I would fly to Sydney. We chose the weekend. My husband would be away, and his wife would be away. When I think back now, I can’t believe we did it. I can’t believe I did it! I felt so guilty for the lies I told everyone. And so did he. But we did it.

I got my mum to come look after the kids for the weekend, saying i was going down south for a girls weekend with some girls I had been studying with. She dropped me at the train station and i went to the airport and got the midnight flight to Sydney. I had butterflies in my tummy. Would he like me? Would he think i was ugly? I was 42 and he was 38. I warned him I had thousands of freckles. he assured me he loved freckles.

I got off the plane in Sydney with my eyes darting everywhere, switched my phone on and rang him. I told him I had a pink dress on. He told me to just keep walking, he would see me. We stayed on the phone and I saw him sitting to my left, grinning on the phone. We grabbed eachother and kissed. I went for the short kiss, he went for the long romatic pash, how awkward! We laughed. We laughed all weekend. He was drop-dead gorgeous! Tall, blonde, fit, what a hunk! We were happy and in love. I flew back to Perth Monday night. Elated at what we had shared, sad that it was such a short time together. WOW!

Now what? I got back home and we almost immediatly started to plan another meeting. I flew back to Sydney 8 weeks later. Then he flew to Perth about 7 weeks after that. I started to unravel. I couldn’t live without him! He couldn’t live without me! I started crying all the time. I hated the lies. I couldn’t sleep with my husband. I withdrew from everyone and everything. He was the same, he started sleeping on the couch at his house.

Then it all came to a head. My husband found out through the phone bill. His wife found out by snooping through his phone when he was asleep. My husband moved into the spare room. He moved out of his house and in with his sister. I decided to leave and move to Queensland with the children. It was a terrible time. I was ridden with guilt for what i was putting my husband and my family through. My friends thought i had lost my mind, they thought i was making the biggest mistake of my life. I just knew i was crazy in love with this man.

I moved to Queensland in November 2002. My sweet darling was flying and driving up from Sydney to see me whenever he could manange it. He moved up to be with me in April 2003, almost one year to the day after we first met at Sydney airport.

It is now April 2008. In 2004 he bought me an engagement ring and asked me to marry him for the 5th time ( I said yes every time!) In 2005 we bought our house where we live with two of my children and one of his. We are VERY, VERY, VERY happy.

We are Crazy in love to this day, but we have, and still are paying the price for that happiness. We live with a lot of guilt. We live with the memories of sitting our children down and telling them of the separation. The tears and emotional hell we went through to be together, will forever bind us to eachother.

We were both previously married for 20 years. We walked away from that life…from everything except our children, and started all over again. We have begun Another Life.

When the ink has dried on your divorce papers, and the dust
finally starts to settle, you will find yourself facing an
entirely new set of problems. Now you are alone with your
responsibilities. The scheduling of your life is different, and
probably more difficult.

If your husband is limited to brief visitation rights, then the
day-to-day responsibility for your kids is now completely yours.
Even if your spouse has your children part of the time, you will
discover that you are more limited. If your ex did anything at
all around the house you will now have to do it yourself. If he
did any of the family bookkeeping, or helped the kids with
schoolwork, or took them here or there, that service is no
longer available.You have a household. Once there were two
people who could take on the duty of running it. Now there’s
one.

You will probably begin to see this happening from the start.
During your divorce these things present themselves. But in
some ways they aren’t as obvious then. This is partly due to
the incredible turmoil you are already facing. There may also
be other factors disguising the truth. Your friends and family
knew what you were going through while the battle was still
raging. Often some of them stepped up to bat, and helped in so
many ways. Your best friend drove your boy to sports practice
through an entire season, and maybe your sister took your
daughter to shop for clothes. But that was when your days were
endless cycles of lawyers, court dates, and searching for
records. Now life is supposed to be normal.

The only problem with that is the workload: it seems to be
permanently bigger.

In most cases the ex-spouse should be of help, but there are
almost always problems and disagreements. Most likely these
will last as long as your children are still underage and a
shared responsibility. How much support and help your ex is
giving you with the kids is usually a measure of your sanity.
I’ve had my own problems with this, as does nearly every parent
who keeps custody most of the time. My ex-husband’s mandated
times with the kids only cover a couple of weekends and some
weekday evenings each month. Often the evenings simply don’t
happen.

Many divorced parents face the same dilemma: doubled
responsibility not only for kids, but for shopping, cleaning,
paying the bills, taking care of the pets, doing the laundry,
and the list goes on and on!

Being a single parent is no easy task. For each of us the new
responsibilities take different forms. When they are still
together most parents gradually take on some aspects of the
good cop/bad cop relationship with their kids. Sometimes dad is
the one who is judge and jury, while mom seems willing to
listen. Or those roles might be reversed. Maybe your ex-spouse
was the disciplinarian; while you were the sympathetic one they
could always come to. Whatever role you played before, now you
must be both. If your boy gets in a fight, or your daughter
mistreats a schoolmate, you have to dole out the punishment.
Yet, if there were extenuating circumstances, you also have to
understand. How can a person do both? It seems almost
impossible.

This is aggravated even more by the divorce. A split inevitably
sets up a competitive situation. In a conflict people always
look for allies, and in a divorce both parents want the kids to
be on their respective sides. This doesn’t end with the decree.

If dad was once the disciplinarian, but now only sees the kids
for a few days a month, he’s likely to be much less help when
they do something wrong. He’ll want his house to be the place
where they have fun. At the same time, mom is going to get
tired of always being the one to give punishments. She doesn’t
want her children to hate her. This often turns into a
competition for affection that can only hurt the children.

What every parent in a divorce must learn is that their
children still have the same needs they had before the divorce.
That means they need the adults in their lives to take on adult
responsibilities. For instance, if you are about to leave your
children off at your spouse’s, don’t work extra hard to leave
the best impression. There’s no need to make your last stop one
at a fast food joint where you fill them full of sugar and empty
calories. Instead, just make them understand that you love them,
and are concerned with their well being in every way. Ease them
into the transition by assuring them of their place in your
life, while helping them see that they still have that place in
your spouse’s life as well.

If your spouse doesn’t cooperate, try to resolve it when the
kids aren’t there. Do all you can to make sure that the facts
of custody are not rules of engagement, but rather are simply a
structure for your children’s benefit. If you and your spouse
still have lingering differences in this area, the best way to
help your cause is to simply be the best parent you can be.

But whatever your arrangement is with your ex-spouse, life
can’t help but be more difficult alone. So what do you do in
the face of overwhelming odds, and the seemingly inevitable
nervous breakdown?

First, remember you are not alone. There are millions of single
parents out there facing the same thing you are. You probably
know other mothers (and/or fathers) who are, or have been, in
the same situation. Don’t be afraid about turning to them now.
They may know things you don’t, and if not, they can always
lend a hand, or at least some sympathy.

Others who have gone through the same thing will realize what
pressure you are under. This isn’t simply a matter of finances
(though that issue usually has a lot to do with it). You are
now the one that your children come to every day of the week.
They need you desperately for their own sense of security,
especially after their world has been turned upside down from
divorce. You are the one who picks up after them, feeds them,
and gives them allowances. You are the one who talks to their
friends’ mothers and fathers. You get the call from school. You
talk to their teachers. You are the first one to hear about
bills for education and health. If your children are about to
go to college, you are the one they talk to about those
possibilities.
If you are the parent they stay with most nights, and you are
the parent they see in the morning before they go to school,
then you are simply the one.

Because it used to be different, because there used to be two
of you, and because there used to be two parental roles being
played in this house, you now have to learn something new. Now
you must develop some skills you never needed before. If you
can do what is necessary you’ll find that this new order isn’t
that scary. If you can adapt, you will not only survive, but
thrive. A new exciting life is just around the corner. Your job
is to figure out how to keep from getting so exhausted that
“just around the corner” turns out to be an impossible distance
to cover.

Your job as a newly single parent may not be easy, but it in
time you will adjust, fall into a routine and discover a new
found strength you never thought you had.

About The Author:

Christina Rowe is the best selling author of
Seven Secrets To A Successful Divorce-What Every Woman Needs
To Know. Find out the survival skills that will save you time,
money and heartache during your divorce. For your free chapter
of the book, visit the link above.

“My husband and I have a great working relationship. He’s great
to the kids, he’s nice to me, he works hard on the house but he
isn’t very interested in getting to know me for who I really am.
Any exploration around personal growth is threatening to him.
Sometimes I feel so depressed to think I’ll spend the rest of my
life with this person when I want so much more, but there isn’t
anything wrong to point to as to why I would leave.”

Nellie was having her first phone counseling session with me.

The problem was that Nellie was discounting her deep need for
emotional intimacy – her deep need to know and be known, her
deep need for emotional connection. Stating that, “there isn’t
anything wrong to point to” indicated how little she understood
her need for emotional intimacy and connection.

For most people, emotional intimacy and connection is
absolutely necessary to thrive. So what does a person like
Nellie need to do when she has a children and she doesn’t want
to break up the family? What is she to do when she really needs
something that her husband in unwilling or unable to give to
her?

If Nellie wants to stay in her marriage, then she needs to
accept the lack of intimacy and have her personal growth
explorations elsewhere – with friends, groups, and workshops. It
is possible to accept a companionship relationship for the
raising of children. Many couples create excellent companionship
relationships when they are willing to let go of both physical
and emotional intimacy.

With Nellie, one of the problems was that her husband would get
angry and withdraw when she didn’t want to make love with him.
There was no way Nellie could feel turned on to her husband, Brad,
when there was no emotional intimacy – no sense of connection.
If Brad was willing to accept the lack of sexuality, then they
could make it work. But if he continued to get angry and
withdraw, then Nellie would have to explore other options.

If Nellie learns to take loving care of herself and stop buying
into Brad’s anger, then his controlling behavior would no longer
work for him. If she learned to get her emotional needs met
elsewhere and disengaged when Brad was acting like a needy
little boy, then his behavior might change. Or it might not.

If it doesn’t and if the anger and withdrawal, lack of intimacy
and the sexual pull is not acceptable and Nellie is willing to
leave, then she would need to let him know that and see if he
would be willing to open intimacy with her. I have had many husbands, who were dragged to one of my 5-Day Couples Intensives, really open and move beyond their fears of personal growth and emotional intimacy.

The first thing that needs to happen is that Nellie needs to
validate her need for connection and emotional intimacy,
especially in order to feel sexual. Once she stops feeling
guilty for how she feels and learns to take loving action on her
own behalf, then she can see what the reality of the situation
is. While Brad is afraid of intimacy and growth, he might be
even more afraid of losing Nellie. When he sees that his anger
and withdrawal no longer work to make her feel guilty and
responsible for him, he might decide to open up.

The only way that Nellie will know if Brad will open up or not is
to learn to take 100% responsibility for her own feelings and
needs. As long as she is trying to get Brad to change, she will
be stuck feeling unhappy. It is always well worth doing your inner
work to try to save a marriage, whatever the outcome. If the
marriage improves – great! If it doesn’t, you will have learned
what you needed to learn to not make the same mistakes in your
next relationship.

About The Author:

Margaret Paul, Ph.D., best-selling author of eight books, including “Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You” and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Phone sessions and a FREE Inner Bonding course are available at Inner Bonding.

I am sure you have heard the Carrie Underwood song of the same name by now. Most of us who have been cheated on have probably fantasized about keying our ex’s car or inflicting some of the damage Carrie sings about in her hit song. As difficult as it may be, you must control your emotions.

The type of out of control behavior depicted in the song will only end you up in jail with a retraining order issued against you. So what can we do to move through the pain and anguish of being betrayed by our spouse? Do spouses who cheat care? Do they harden themselves so that they can ignore the pain they’re causing? If they could feel the actual pain they are causing would it change them? Would they care then?

Most of us who have been the victims of adultery have been forced to ponder these questions. We look at spouses who we lovingly trusted, people with whom we’ve had children, and we see them walking away, blind to the tears, and deaf to the sobs of others. It is as if they have found a way to separate themselves from all that led up to now, and cut themselves off from the past.

As we ponder, we ask why? A woman asks: Was I not good enough? A man might ask: Was I not caring enough? Either might want to know: Did I keep up my end? Was I supportive enough? We blame ourselves, and examine every small detail. Like detectives we search for clues, leads, and turning points. We ask the questions of a spouse who is no longer there, and in the end we are left right back where we started: Why? Why would

There are no easy answers, but there are guilty feelings that can and should be dealt with. First, remember: you did nothing to make your spouse stray. This was their choice, freely made. There is always a moment (or moments) when a responsible person can say: No. The responsibility is theirs, and for those of us they abandoned the question is not: Why did my marriage break up? Instead we begin with: Did a perfectly loyal, loving spouse really suddenly turn into a cheater? It’s likely that the answer is: No. Which leads us to the question: Are there signs that we ignored?

I searched my soul, and my memory, and found that the answer was: Yes. The indications were there, and I ignored them. I had evidence that my husband was not the wonderful, trusting man I had made him out to be. I put on my rose-colored glasses, and saw him only through those lenses, filtering out anything that might threaten my family and me.

After the marriage is over, it’s often a good idea to look back and learn. This shouldn’t be the kind of thinking that only leads to you torturing yourself. If you’re still at that stage, don’t dwell on the past. Only do this when you are far enough past the shock and the wreckage that you can think of it as an object lesson, and want to avoid the same traps next time.

About The Author:

Christina Rowe is the author of the new book Seven Secrets To A Successful Divorce-What Every Woman Needs To Know. Find out the survival skills that will save you time, money and heartache during your divorce and visit the link for your free chapter of the book.

Particularly if you haven’t lived together before your wedding,
it is important to establish how chores and regular tasks will
be divided to ensure you are both happy with your living
arrangements and don’t have unreasonable expectations of your
spouse. Even if you already live together, you may want to
question whether you or your future spouse expect existing
behaviours to change. You may decide to draw up a rota for the
housework or each take responsibility for set jobs. Certain
things such as unblocking the plug hole or putting out the
rubbish may be the stuff of nightmares for one of you, but just
a regular activity for the other. Whilst it may seem unnecessary
to talk through these things in advance, it can lead from mild
disgruntlement to full scale resentment, if it is not openly and
frankly discussed and agreed upon. There are so many things to
potentially bicker about when you first move in together – from
dishes left in the sink, to washing left out, shoes not taken
off to toilet seats left up – that it is far wiser to hold
pre-emptive dialogues than risk a sense of dismay as come back
down to earth, after your honeymoon.

Your spouse should be your best friend, the first person you
share good news with or turn to when you are troubled. The bond
the two of you have will grow stronger throughout your years
together, so long as you maintain your closeness with regular
cuddles and chats and not let your career, children or other
pressures come between you. Make regular time to do something
together, whether it be a meal out, a trip to the theatre, or
just snuggling up and watching a favourite DVD. Holidays are a
wonderful way to enjoy each others company, whether a fortnight
abroad, a week camping or a weekend at a B&B, getting away from
the routine of day-to-day life is a great way to re-connect and
celebrate your relationship.

Great relationships are those where you can talk for hours and
know that your spouse revels in hearing about your day and
sharing the events from their own, where you can laugh together
over funny anecdotes and commiserate disappointments. Being a
good listener is key to any relationship. If you don’t
understand what you spouse is explaining, ask them open ended
questions to enable them to describe it in a different way.
Asking questions also shows that you are interested and keen to
make sure you are correctly following their dialogue. Avoid
interrupting a flow of communication and wait for a natural
break before offering your opinions or ideas. If your spouse
fails to do likewise, gently discuss with them how you find it
difficult to express yourself or complete your story and how
that may make you feel. However, remember it is possible that
your spouse is excited, surprised or confused by what you have
said, causing them to interrupt, as their interpretation
overtakes their tact.

Rich marriages are those where both partners enjoy a variety of
activities and interests, some common, some varied. Whilst it is
rewarding to share hobbies and a mutual sense of fun and
adventure, it is also important to allow each other time and
space to pursue your own ventures and maintain your own
friendships. These may be in pursuits only one of you finds
interesting, yet you can both enjoy discussing and understanding
the reward the other gets from it. The more variety you have in
your lives, the more you have to share and debate. Trying new
things together can spark excitement and open up new
opportunities for each of you.

Caring for each other is one of your key responsibilities in a
marriage. Small acts of kindness – such as making your spouse a
cup of tea every morning or setting the video to record their
favourite program – performed out of love and affection, allow
you to demonstrate your desire to nurture your partner. By
setting your own wishes aside and putting those of your spouse
first, you show your respect and high regard for their comfort
and happiness. Being there for each other, both in times of joy
and sorrow, is the most solemn and strengthening aspect of a
marriage. The most any of us can ask for from a lifetime
commitment, is to have someone to stand shoulder to shoulder
with when times are hard, who wants for us what we want for
ourselves and who is prepared to move mountains to help us reach
our goals. Be that person for your partner and know they will be
likewise for you.

About The Author:

Vintage Choice offers a complete chauffeur driven experience with a range of authentic vintage wedding
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