The anxiety is building up and I can feel the butterflies fluttering about in my stomach. Every second of waiting feels like an eternity. Where the heck is she?I had met her on the popular online dating site Plenty of Fish. I had finally hit pay dirt after messaging twenty other prospects and failing miserably. The initial email exchange was flirty and well received by both parties. There was definitely some initial attraction and not to mention, that her two well chosen profile pictures revealed her to be quite a knock-out.

I hear the coffee shop door swing open. My head quickly turns to see who it is. Dang, it’s not her. She is running about ten minutes late now and I’m sitting here all by myself, stewing in anxiety, which is enough to make my palms sweat. This is my first time ever meeting someone from an online dating site, after all, shouldn’t it be normal to be so nervous?As I take another sip from my mug, I glance up to see another woman walk through the door. Oh my god, that’s her!

She glances around the shop until her eyes finally reach mine. She recognizes me and walks over, immediately apologizing for being so late. As we make our formal introductions she orders a coffee and sits down across from me. Little do I know, the gauntlet is about to begin. I’ve barely said more than several words to her and she is already giving me the twenty questions routine. I’m stuttering trying to answer each one, but the barrage of inquiries keep on coming: What do you do for work? Where do you live? Where are you from? How many dates have you gone on? How much do you make? Do you like cats or dogs? etc.

Ack! This is terrible. It’s like a job interview, except I don’t get to ask any questions in return. Any attempts I make to turn the conversation towards her is quickly rebutted. She offers no information about herself. The entire situation, to say the least, is incredibly awkward. Then out of nowhere, she quiets down and glares at me with a menacing snarl. “Are you staring at my breasts?” she asks.

Oh crap! In my attempt to deliver answers to her ongoing questions, my eyes had drifted down from her face and yes, I was indeed, staring directly into her cleavage. Not that I did this on purpose, but I am a man and as most men can attest, we have tendencies to let our eyes wander from time to time. I am guilty as charged, so I apologize and explain that I didn’t mean it. She is still glaring at me with a stern expression on her face and says, “You’re not the one.”

With that final statement she gets up and walks out the door. The date hadn’t lasted more than twenty minutes and I managed to blow the whole thing. Although, I suppose the first time meeting someone online is usually an awkward experience. I can’t help but feel that with a few more dates and a little more practice, I’ll eventually find someone who clicks. After all, there are plenty of fish in the sea.

About the Author:Matt Savage is a writer and blog author who specializes in dating and online dating topics. He also publishes the Plenty of Fish Dating Tips blog which focuses on research, analysis and tips for the dating scene.

He used to attend for treatment twice a week. I could not wait to see him every time. He was so nice to me. In time i thought i had found what i was looking for . He had every thing i wanted in a guy .

For almost two years i was getting to know him , he was such a gentlemen. I loved him so much but i never told him. I kept it as a secret for so long. My heart used to beat so fast when i used to See him. I used to miss him when he wasn’t around.

One day he phoned work and he asked me to send him a photo of a piercing that i had done for him to his email , because he wanted to know how it looked. I took his email and i told him i’ll send it to him.

Later on at night i went online i sent him an email address , he replied and we ended up chatting. I was feeling so, so happy. We chatted until 2:00 am .

Can  i ask you if you like any one he asked

“Yes i do but  he doesn’t like me ” I replied

How can he not like you , you are so beautiful he said

No I’m not , i don’t really  know what to do  i can’t tell him how  i feel , because he’s too good for me  i said

you should tel him please , I’m sure he will tel that he likes you back he said

He knew that i was talking about him ..( i told him that i couldn’t tell him what his name was but his name starts with A. )

I told him that i didn’t know how to tell the guy that i likes him, and that i was afraid. He told me not to be afraid .

I told him that i would practice on him , and he can tell me of any changes i should make so i wrote :

“Dear. A..

I have never done this before, i don’t really know how to do it or what to say . so please don’t mind if i sound funny

Since the day i have met you , i could not stop thinking of you even for a minute, when you are around i smile and it feels that i have the whole world, when your not around , i think of you  , i wonder where you are , i miss you and wish that you could come sooner.

You have changed my life , if you have some one in you r life , then she is so lucky. I wish that i could be with you , I just fall for you day by day. i don’ t know what to do

Why is life so beautiful when your around? i can’t tel you how much you mean to me through words, i cant find a word to describe how i feel. you make me so happy ,you make me smile and you make my day a better day..

I feel so close to you , I feel so much love and care for you. A i think i love you….”

Is it too much? I asked him.

You know what i would say if i was A..? He asked me

My heart was beating so fast,  I was confused.

I am not too sure , what would you say? i asked him

I would say that i love you too… He replied

When he said this to me i couldn’t type for  minutes , i was just staring at the screen , Oh my god , oh my god , oh my god i think  i repeated this word 100 times, he was nudging me , my heart almost stopped of happiness, i couldn’t believe what i had read.

The he said that he wanted to see me ,I thought i was dreaming. It was too good to be real… oh my god

I was crying of happiness .I cant describe how much i loved this guy.

This conversation was on a Friday night , i saw him on Monday morning, I couldn’t believe it , He asked me to be with him, i said yes then he hugged me and kissed my forehead.

Being in his arms, wow, it was heaven for me, it was the first time that i had felt so much love , i was in love already. I never used to believe in love, being with him , thatch all i wanted , i didn’t need any thing or any one else, my word was complete.

After two years of liking him i ended up with him. We went out for 6 months maybe more i don’t really remember,

He had so much respect for me . i was deeper in love day by day.

I used to miss him even though he was next to me , I used to cry , my heart was hurting because i could feel so much love for him..

One day i asked him if he would ever leave me , he said he will never.

One day we had a small argument, It was over a very little thing. it is very normal to have an argument when your in a relationship , because if the love is very strong , it will survive , in fact you appreciate what you have more.

I was only angry for a bit, later on of the day  i contacted him, He wouldn’t answer my phone calls,

I messaged him for a week and tried calling,

Baby please call me back , im worried  whats the matter with you , why don’t you talk to me , im sorry , i’m very sorry my love , please call me back ,i miss YOUR voice , i miss you .  i was telling him for almost two weeks.

He messaged me after two weeks ” come online ” that’s all it said on the message

I was so happy ,i swiped my tears and quickly went online.

Hey babi whats wrong , I typed to him

We spoke for a bit then he said it’s over and that he wished me all the best,

I thought i was going to die, i cant believe how much i cried.

He can’t break up with me over a lil reason , why , we can get though it , this is nothing

Why babe, please don’t do this , baby i love you , i don’t think i can live with out you , i need you , i told him

no matter how much i begged he just said no no no no

Whats the reason babe , are you married? I asked him as a joke.

Yes , he said i’m married and I have two kids he said.

Oh my god I was so confused, i thought he was joking, Until I realized that he was serious.

The pain that I went though I cant not describe, I almost died , I am still sick , I ended with depression and getting panic attacks always faint and just always too quiet.

I had lost every thing.  I left my job , because I saw him every where , I couldn’t his memories where every where.

It has been a year now, I have cried a river, my heart is so broken, My heart feels like fire its burning so much i’m so much pain.

I love him so much still . Every day I go to work, I think of him, driving home I think of him. I stare a his name for hours. I have had so many other guys asking me out , i’ve tried to move on , nohing and no one compares to him . I cant do do it. I just cant move on . I can’t, I love him and I can’t do it.

I’m so in love.

I don’t have him , but he wil always be in m heart, I will love him for ever,

I’m like a crazy person now, I think every single person I see , I imagine that it is him

I saw him twice after breaking up. He drove past me and walked pass me and he just pretends that he doesnt know me . He sends me a few emails and tells me to move on and that I always look happy. He judges me by the way I look. He doesn’t know what’s going though my heart and what pain I go through. I have told him that I hated him a few times but im crazy over him.I go to a river we went together and cry there for hours. Why does he judge me by the way I look.

If I wasnt still in love with him I would have moved on the next day.

He likes hurting me , He sends me an offline message once every four to 6 months just two lines saying “ Hi how are you” when I see the offline , I cry and cry and reply so much to him he never replies back and then after another 3 months another message I get from him , Hi how are you and doesnt reply to me.

After so long I still cry thinking of him, I was a strong person before I met him, his love has made me so weak.
I know it is wrong to love him, he is married but I feel so sick and lost without him.

I don’t know what to do.

I just love him more and more each day and miss him always.

But first of all, let me tell you all this from the very beginning on…his name is Lee, and I remember the exact day when we got to know each other; a day that I will always keep in mind: the 8th April 2007. It was coincidence (or shall I dare saying destiny?) how we met; it was coincidence (destiny) that I found his e-mail address on a site he’d registered on to meet new people on the net. On the net! I never thought that exactly that was going to keep us apart. The internet, the distance.

Lee lives in England, I live in Luxembourg. And I’ve got to say, I never thought that such a “relation” could be possible over distance. But I was wrong. For Lee and me, it is sort of special. We’re both individuals, very different from each other, but we complement each other so well. It’s hard to describe. The first three things I noticed about Lee were that he’s good to talk to, that he’s trustworthy, and that he has a really awesome humour.

Three things that are really important to me. But most important of all…he was there. Not literally…but he was always there for me, in spite of the distance. When I wasn’t feeling well, when I was sad, when I was upset and complaining…when everyone else would’ve stopped caring, Lee didn’t. Lee listened patiently to everything I said, for hours. He gave me advices, cheered me up, calmed me down. I told him about my past, my worries, my inferiority complexes, and he just listened and didn’t seem to care when it was 3 in the morning. And he did make me feel better.

It might sound weird, maybe it sounds even completely insane…but when we had those long, private, deep conversations, there was no distance; he was right with me, he was so close. Lee has always managed to make me laugh until that I have tears of laughter in my eyes. Like I said, he has an awesome humour that is difficult to understand or to accept for some people.Well, when I noticed that I only smiled when I talked to him on MSN and that I went crazy when I couldn’t talk to him, I also realized that this was way more than just a good friendship. I had fallen in love with Lee. I knew it would be too complicated, so I tried to hide it for months and to carry on as if nothing had happened. But the truth just didn’t leave and it got more and more unsupportable for me each day.

So one night, I worked up all my courage and I told him about my feelings. That moment was an awful one, because I really thought I was going to lose him over that. I thought he might think I’ve lost all my sanity. I thought he might say that this just couldn’t be possible. Falling in love over internet is quite critical after all. I really doubted he would ever want something to do with me again.But luckily I was wrong. Lee reacted in such an awesome way. He said we both felt better now that it was out, and that he absolutely wanted to stay friends with me. He said he liked me as a friend but didn’t want a girlfriend at the time.  But he also cared about how I felt about this and told me not to feel guilty whatsoever because we won’t be together. Well, it wasn’t a positive answer, not the one I would’ve dreamed of. But it was a better one than I had expected.

Plus, I NEVER expected him to love me back. So, we tried to let it shoot over us and just move on as usual. He could, but it was very difficult for me.

Then something changed. I started dating some blokes, tried to get my mind off Lee, tried to fall out of love. And he got weird towards me. Suddenly he started cold-shouldering me. It was like talking to a totally different person. The Lee who’d comforted me, calmed me, made me laugh, that I trusted blindly just started belonging to the past. Back then I didn’t know why. He hardly talked to me. And I had no clue what was wrong. I asked him a few times, and soon we started argueing all the time because I told him I had the feeling he was trying to avoid me. I couldn’t accept that he had less time. Even worse, he thought I wasn’t grateful for everything he’d done for me; he was angry because I complained about him not liking me.

One night, we had a terrible row. Lee said he was past caring now that I was questioning our entire friendship, the entire past 6 months we had gotten on so well. We thought it might be better not to keep in touch, well, we didn’t think that actually. But it happened.Lee and me didn’t speak to each other anymore. It was such an awful time for me. At first, I felt kind of free, though. Freed out of that virtual world…I saw the world with new eyes.

But after some time, I realized that something was missing. Something, someone I just couldn’t make it without anymore. And that was Lee. When I laughed, it wasn’t the same anymore. When I cried, it wasn’t the same either. When I was on MSN and saw that he was online without talking to me, I died a hundred times.I felt kind of empty without him. I felt as if a part of me had disappeared. Well, both of us are very stubborn, but after a month or two, I decided to forget about my stubborness for once and make it up to him, because the last thing I wanted was to lose that friendship.

Well, at the beginning we struggled getting along with each other because of all that had happened, but I suppose our friendship was strong enough to hold despite of quite some stuff, and somehow we made it. Our friendship got better and better,  and I was happy.

Happy for having such a wonderful friend.

But one day I noticed something fundamental, something that I didn’t want to notice over all those months: there was only one boy for me and no one else mattered.Well, the thing is, Lee is really one of a kind. He’s a bit special, let me put it that way. He likes joking around a lot, sometimes he makes fun of things you just don’t make fun of, and sometimes he just says the wrong things. A lot of people told me how dumb he was, told me to forget about him, and well, I had tried. It’s true.

I’ve called him an idiot so many times, told him to bugger off; on some days I really hated him and felt like slapping him right in the face…but what am I supposed to do when I realize that I’ve loved him through it all?

When I realize that the other people just don’t have a clue? They don’t. They just can’t imagine what it’s like between Lee and me. They don’t know what we’ve been through. But I, I won’t forget that he’s the one who’s always been there for me when others weren’t. I won’t forget the fact that he makes me laugh, that he makes my day when I feel down.

But most of all, I won’t forget about this trust. There’s hardly anyone I tell as much as I tell Lee. Lee said himself once: “I am your diary.” – It’s true. Once he said he’d like to read my diary, but there’s no point – he knows everything anyway.

Well, apart from one thing of course. That I love him again. Maybe he does know, I tell him from time to time, but somehow I’ve got the feeling that he takes it all for a big joke. How the hell am I supposed to know if he never ever shows his feelings?

Maybe I’m ‘only’ a good friend for him. And our friendship means the world to me, it does. It’s a really really strong friendship that resisted so much already. It resisted when I got on his nerves or when he got on mine…all the time. When I told him I love him the first time. It also resisted when we had all our rows, when we didn’t speak to each other for over a month. It resisted through all the times I hated him. And through all the times I’ve loved him.

Basically, we’ve been to hell and back again, but through it all, he’s always been my best friend. And even more than that. If only I was with him…and there it is again: the fundamental problem I talked about before: the distance.

But probably, we’ll never meet. I’m taking my final exams this year, planning to go to University in England in July 2009. Which is exactly the time when Lee plans to join the army. The timing couldn’t be worse. And that makes me very very sad. I’ve imagined so often what it would be like if we lived in the same town. We could meet up as often as we wanted to. We would probably be even better friends than we are now. And probably we would’ve been long together.

The distance gets more and more unbearable each day…but will we ever have the opportunity to look into each others eyes? Will I ever have the opportunity to hold him in my arms?If this is a story like Romeo and Juliet, I suppose not.

….To be continued?!?….

We talked for what seemed like all day, until my mother pulled me off of the computer in the middle of the night, but we exchanged emails and arranged to talk again the next day. So we did, everyday for the rest of the summer. We would talk for aslong as our differing time zones would allow. I would stay up all night one day, and he would stay up all night the next day. We shared everything, dreams, interests, troubles, I felt an extremely strong fondness for this person, yet I had never met him, I didnt even know what he looked like!

We returned to school but continued emailing every day and talking every weekend. I would jump out of bed half an hour early every morning just to email him and rush home from school at 3pm knowing there would be an email waiting for me in reply. I had butterfly’s in my stomach every time, egarly waiting to see what he had written and what new things I would learn about my american friend today. A few months had passed since we met and we decided to airmail eachother pictures as this was long before the days of digital camera’s. We exchanged addresses and wrote eachother a letter accompanied by some photographs. He recieved mine first, I was so nervous that he would think I was ugly and stop talking to me, I was small with bright red hair and pale skin, a combination that was nothing short of a curse in high school. A few weeks later I recieved his letter. My mum woke me up saying, “Gemma, theres a letter here from america for you”. I distinctly remember my heart nearly exploading and i’m sure I made it out of bed in record time. I opened the package and couldnt believe my eyes, he was gorgeous! not that it really even mattered, I had grown so fond of my new friend that nothing would have stopped me tlaking to him. I felt my heart melt when I saw his pictures, followed by a moment of sadness that the only boy in the world who truely appreciated me, was so far away.

I had never had a boyfriend, I had crushes on people in school but, I never had much interest in the opposite sex, unlike all my friends. I was too busy dancing or singing for that. One day however, I was at a friends sleepover and everybody was discussing there latest ‘crush’. I had breifly spoken about my electronic pen friend from the states before, but for the most part, I had kept him to myself. At that moment I realised I had an incredibly jittery feeling every time he entered my head, or maybe because he never left my head. I admitted to my friends that I couldnt stop thinking about him and met a mixed reaction from “ohhh thats so sweet” to “dream on, he’s in america, its not like you’ll ever meet”. Essentially they all thought I was a crazy little kid with my head in the clouds. Maybe I was, but I would dream every day of meeting my friend, that maybe somehow we would suprise everyone. He was special to me, and despite all the negative words, I wasnt willing to give up on that ‘what if’.

By the time we were nearly 16 we had drifted alittle, I was constantly going to dance classes and we were occupied with other ‘real life’ destractions, eventually we lost contact. I never stopped thinking about him, he would pop into my head and I would feel disspaointed in myself for not making more effort to email him and stay in touch, but we never forgot. So when I was 17, I randomly emailed ‘Sniper’ to see if he would reply. Sure enough a few days later I got a message back, and before we knew it we were talking online catching up and sharing all the new experiences we had with eachother. I felt like I was 13 all over again, and I remembered exactly why I loved this boy so much, and vowed I would never let him slip out of my life again, even if we were only ever destined to be life long internet companions.

We continued talking for the next 5 years, some weeks more than others. We helped eachother through breaks ups, family troubles, everything that we went through we shared with the other person, he knew everything about me. By the time I was 19 years old I had been with a couple of boyfriends, failed experiences. Everytime I talked to ‘Nick’ I felt a growing need to tell him how I really felt about him. I had always been to scared to tell him I thought he was gorgeous and that on some level I was sure, somehow, I loved him. Eventually, with alittle help from Nicks friend, we ended up admitting how we felt, I told him I loved him and he said the same back, it didnt change anything, we still couldnt be together, we were an ocean apart and neither of us had money to visit the other. But we knew how we felt and for the time being it was enough. Just to know I had him there and that he felt the same, settled me.

We continued with our lives, persued more doomed relationships, shared more experiences. Until at the beginning of 2008, I recieved some unexpected financial help. I wasnt sure what to do with the money, I decorated my bedroom, bought some new clothes, and just pondered my possibilities. Till one night when I was talking to Nick online, I told him I was coming to Texas, if he would have me. As soon as I said it I felt sick, nervous, worried, scared. I remember thinking, oh my goodness Gemma did you mean that! what are you going to do now? We had idley talked of meeting up before, even attempted arranging it but nothing had ever come through, so I am sure at that point neither me or Nick were truely convinced it would actually happen. Nick seemed reluctant to pick me up from the airport 3 hours from his home and I was petrified of flying alone. But something happened, something clicked, Nick decided he would make the drive to the airport and said “lets do this”. I nearly fell of my chair, but his confidence gave me confidence and I booked a flight, dragging my best friend Selina with me for the ride.

We had to visit during spring break, which was only 3 days away, so from the moment we booked our flight, there wasnt much oppertunity for everything to sink in. It wasnt untill I was on the plane to Houston, I remember turning to Selina and saying “Sel, im going to meet Nick!” and im sure thats the moment it hit me. I was hyperactive in the airport, fiddling with my hair, trying not to freak out so bad that I was carted off by security. It seemed to take an age to get through passport control and im sure the immigration officer thought I was on drugs because I was so excited. Consumed by nerves as I walked out of the airport with my luggage, I scanned round to look for Nick, praying to god that I would recognise him in person! Then there he was, strolling up to me in his white T and Corona cap. I totally froze, I didnt know what to say or do, hug? hand shake? smile? help!…..

I barely remember what words came out of my mouth, all that I could think about was, thats Nick, after nearly 10 years, your in Texas, and he is real. He was quiet for the ride home, talking to his 2 friends who joined him to pick us up. I think we were both alittle shocked to be honest, but it didnt take long, that night when everyone was asleep, we sat on his couch, talking, for the first time in person, having one of our ‘chats’, just like it was over the computer, but this time, it was all real. I wanted to hug him so tight but I couldnt, I didnt know if he wanted me to? did he like me like that? or was i a dissapointment? He was so gorgeous, he was better looking in person that in his pics (and he was gorgeous in his pics!)

We grew closer as the time passed, I was in Texas for 5 days and by the 4th night, I was devestated I had to leave, desperately trying not to think about having to go back to talking online, half a world away. I couldnt bare it, Nick would wake me up every time I started to fall asleep saying “dont fall asleep, we only have a few more hours”. I could barely breathe on the drive to the airport, I couldn’t speak, I just sat quitely, sleeping here and there when I could. I had never wanted to cry so much in my life. I sucked in as much air as I could before saying goodbye, just praying that I could hold my tears long enough to get through the doors of the airport. I had the most amazing 5 days of my life, yet my heart was breaking. How was I ment to carry on at home now? just forget? pretend I dont love him?

The plane ride home was the worst, every second I knew I was further away, never knowing when I would get to see Nick again. I was home, and the only good thing about that was seeing my dog. As soon as I got back after my 17 hour journey, I put my computer on and checked my emails desperate to see the name Nick Cantu in my inbox.

“I’m back to my normal little life, although it will never be the same this time round. Thankyou for the years of unconditional love and loyalty, thankyou for an amazing few days sweetheart. Just plain thankyou for everything (maybe I do have a reason to carry on with my life much more enthusiasticlly now, an oh! what a spledid reason it is!)”

I read that, and I broke down. How cruel life seemed to be to put such a vast space between us. I had to find a way to overcome it. So I went back, back to Texas, back to Nick. I couldnt let that be it. We agreed to get engaged, and to be together no matter what, no matter how much effort or hard work it would be, we would find a way, because its what we wanted, because I loved him.

Since that time, Nick has visited my home in London, met my family and I have spent more time in Texas. We planned to marry in November, but after spending 6 weeks in London with me, Nick and I faced 3 months apart before our wedding. I had to work to help pay for venues and visa’s, and Nick had to spend time with his family. We decided in the face of seperation, to bring our wedding forward. I would go back to Texas with Nick, and we would get married. Nick’s family helped us plan an intimate ceremony and reception within the space of a week, and it was perfect. Fancy venues, flowers, dresses, cakes, no longer mattered. We just wanted to be together, to never have to say goodbye again.

We married at sunset on the 14th of June 2008.

From then, every time I logged on to chat, he messaged me from out of the blue. But that was ok, he seemed nice, and he began to amuse me. I thought of him as VERY cocky, confident, sure of himself, and what a flirt! He cracked me up! I never took him seriously and I was sure he was flirting with multiple women. I always cut him short and dissappeared from on-line which, unbeknowns to me, drove him crazy that i was so elusive.

We started to have longer, more indepth conversations, we became good mates, me all the time laughing at his flirting. We were both married, both with 4 children. My husband was away a lot with work, His wife was away a lot with his children. We grew closer. We shared a lot of ourselves with eachother. It became more serious. I no longer laughed at him when he flirted, and if i did, he was hurt.

4 months had passed with our random chatting, when he asked me on a “date”. Would I meet him on-line on Valentine’s Day? My heart skipped, this was a bit serious! But I was excited, and said yes. We logged on to the chat that evening. Me in Perth, Western Australia and him in Sydney, some 7 or so thousand of miles away on the other side of the country. We didn’t sleep that night, we talked all night on-line, with him finally having to leave to go to work at 6 am. When we said good-bye, we said “I Love You” to eachother, it felt right.

It was right. I had fallen in love with him! He was funny and cheeky and caring and loving and interesting and everything I could ever wish for in a man. I had began to feel bored and lonely. I felt my husband was only interested in me physically, he dissmissed my intelligence, and dissmissed me as a person. So to be stimulated on this level I felt worthy, I felt like I was someone, I felt interesting.

We exchanged mobile numbers and were texting and sneaking phone calls when we could. To everyone around us we were addicted to the internet. My husband took the modem and hid it from me. And he was experiencing problems getting to me via the net at his end. We were in trouble. We were in love with each other and we were in trouble!

We wanted to meet in person. He knew what I looked like from my photo on the net but I had no idea what he looked like. I didn’t CARE what he looked like, I loved him. We spent some weeks trying to plan how we could meet, when, where. We had spouses to deal with, and children and friends and lives. But we were crazy, we didn’t care at that point. We had to meet, we had to see eachother in person, we just had to.

We decided I would fly to Sydney. We chose the weekend. My husband would be away, and his wife would be away. When I think back now, I can’t believe we did it. I can’t believe I did it! I felt so guilty for the lies I told everyone. And so did he. But we did it.

I got my mum to come look after the kids for the weekend, saying i was going down south for a girls weekend with some girls I had been studying with. She dropped me at the train station and i went to the airport and got the midnight flight to Sydney. I had butterflies in my tummy. Would he like me? Would he think i was ugly? I was 42 and he was 38. I warned him I had thousands of freckles. he assured me he loved freckles.

I got off the plane in Sydney with my eyes darting everywhere, switched my phone on and rang him. I told him I had a pink dress on. He told me to just keep walking, he would see me. We stayed on the phone and I saw him sitting to my left, grinning on the phone. We grabbed eachother and kissed. I went for the short kiss, he went for the long romatic pash, how awkward! We laughed. We laughed all weekend. He was drop-dead gorgeous! Tall, blonde, fit, what a hunk! We were happy and in love. I flew back to Perth Monday night. Elated at what we had shared, sad that it was such a short time together. WOW!

Now what? I got back home and we almost immediatly started to plan another meeting. I flew back to Sydney 8 weeks later. Then he flew to Perth about 7 weeks after that. I started to unravel. I couldn’t live without him! He couldn’t live without me! I started crying all the time. I hated the lies. I couldn’t sleep with my husband. I withdrew from everyone and everything. He was the same, he started sleeping on the couch at his house.

Then it all came to a head. My husband found out through the phone bill. His wife found out by snooping through his phone when he was asleep. My husband moved into the spare room. He moved out of his house and in with his sister. I decided to leave and move to Queensland with the children. It was a terrible time. I was ridden with guilt for what i was putting my husband and my family through. My friends thought i had lost my mind, they thought i was making the biggest mistake of my life. I just knew i was crazy in love with this man.

I moved to Queensland in November 2002. My sweet darling was flying and driving up from Sydney to see me whenever he could manange it. He moved up to be with me in April 2003, almost one year to the day after we first met at Sydney airport.

It is now April 2008. In 2004 he bought me an engagement ring and asked me to marry him for the 5th time ( I said yes every time!) In 2005 we bought our house where we live with two of my children and one of his. We are VERY, VERY, VERY happy.

We are Crazy in love to this day, but we have, and still are paying the price for that happiness. We live with a lot of guilt. We live with the memories of sitting our children down and telling them of the separation. The tears and emotional hell we went through to be together, will forever bind us to eachother.

We were both previously married for 20 years. We walked away from that life…from everything except our children, and started all over again. We have begun Another Life.