Internet Love Stories

Have you ever noticed that the world’s biggest and most famous love stories never have happy ends? Take Romeo and Juliet. Take Rose and Jack in Titanic, or Tristan and Isolde. Yes, there are way enough examples of two people loving each other but not having the possibility of being together. It’s not fair, right? In any way, I never thought I would ever feel like Juliet…or Rose. Or Isolde, for that matter. Well, in my case, it’s not death that seperates us and  it isn’t our families, either. No. In my case, it’s the distance.

But first of all, let me tell you all this from the very beginning on…his name is Lee, and I remember the exact day when we got to know each other; a day that I will always keep in mind: the 8th April 2007. It was coincidence (or shall I dare saying destiny?) how we met; it was coincidence (destiny) that I found his e-mail address on a site he’d registered on to meet new people on the net. On the net! I never thought that exactly that was going to keep us apart. The internet, the distance.

Lee lives in England, I live in Luxembourg. And I’ve got to say, I never thought that such a “relation” could be possible over distance. But I was wrong. For Lee and me, it is sort of special. We’re both individuals, very different from each other, but we complement each other so well. It’s hard to describe. The first three things I noticed about Lee were that he’s good to talk to, that he’s trustworthy, and that he has a really awesome humour.

Three things that are really important to me. But most important of all…he was there. Not literally…but he was always there for me, in spite of the distance. When I wasn’t feeling well, when I was sad, when I was upset and complaining…when everyone else would’ve stopped caring, Lee didn’t. Lee listened patiently to everything I said, for hours. He gave me advices, cheered me up, calmed me down. I told him about my past, my worries, my inferiority complexes, and he just listened and didn’t seem to care when it was 3 in the morning. And he did make me feel better.

It might sound weird, maybe it sounds even completely insane…but when we had those long, private, deep conversations, there was no distance; he was right with me, he was so close. Lee has always managed to make me laugh until that I have tears of laughter in my eyes. Like I said, he has an awesome humour that is difficult to understand or to accept for some people.Well, when I noticed that I only smiled when I talked to him on MSN and that I went crazy when I couldn’t talk to him, I also realized that this was way more than just a good friendship. I had fallen in love with Lee. I knew it would be too complicated, so I tried to hide it for months and to carry on as if nothing had happened. But the truth just didn’t leave and it got more and more unsupportable for me each day.

So one night, I worked up all my courage and I told him about my feelings. That moment was an awful one, because I really thought I was going to lose him over that. I thought he might think I’ve lost all my sanity. I thought he might say that this just couldn’t be possible. Falling in love over internet is quite critical after all. I really doubted he would ever want something to do with me again.But luckily I was wrong. Lee reacted in such an awesome way. He said we both felt better now that it was out, and that he absolutely wanted to stay friends with me. He said he liked me as a friend but didn’t want a girlfriend at the time.  But he also cared about how I felt about this and told me not to feel guilty whatsoever because we won’t be together. Well, it wasn’t a positive answer, not the one I would’ve dreamed of. But it was a better one than I had expected.

Plus, I NEVER expected him to love me back. So, we tried to let it shoot over us and just move on as usual. He could, but it was very difficult for me.

Then something changed. I started dating some blokes, tried to get my mind off Lee, tried to fall out of love. And he got weird towards me. Suddenly he started cold-shouldering me. It was like talking to a totally different person. The Lee who’d comforted me, calmed me, made me laugh, that I trusted blindly just started belonging to the past. Back then I didn’t know why. He hardly talked to me. And I had no clue what was wrong. I asked him a few times, and soon we started argueing all the time because I told him I had the feeling he was trying to avoid me. I couldn’t accept that he had less time. Even worse, he thought I wasn’t grateful for everything he’d done for me; he was angry because I complained about him not liking me.

One night, we had a terrible row. Lee said he was past caring now that I was questioning our entire friendship, the entire past 6 months we had gotten on so well. We thought it might be better not to keep in touch, well, we didn’t think that actually. But it happened.Lee and me didn’t speak to each other anymore. It was such an awful time for me. At first, I felt kind of free, though. Freed out of that virtual world…I saw the world with new eyes.

But after some time, I realized that something was missing. Something, someone I just couldn’t make it without anymore. And that was Lee. When I laughed, it wasn’t the same anymore. When I cried, it wasn’t the same either. When I was on MSN and saw that he was online without talking to me, I died a hundred times.I felt kind of empty without him. I felt as if a part of me had disappeared. Well, both of us are very stubborn, but after a month or two, I decided to forget about my stubborness for once and make it up to him, because the last thing I wanted was to lose that friendship.

Well, at the beginning we struggled getting along with each other because of all that had happened, but I suppose our friendship was strong enough to hold despite of quite some stuff, and somehow we made it. Our friendship got better and better,  and I was happy.

Happy for having such a wonderful friend.

But one day I noticed something fundamental, something that I didn’t want to notice over all those months: there was only one boy for me and no one else mattered.Well, the thing is, Lee is really one of a kind. He’s a bit special, let me put it that way. He likes joking around a lot, sometimes he makes fun of things you just don’t make fun of, and sometimes he just says the wrong things. A lot of people told me how dumb he was, told me to forget about him, and well, I had tried. It’s true.

I’ve called him an idiot so many times, told him to bugger off; on some days I really hated him and felt like slapping him right in the face…but what am I supposed to do when I realize that I’ve loved him through it all?

When I realize that the other people just don’t have a clue? They don’t. They just can’t imagine what it’s like between Lee and me. They don’t know what we’ve been through. But I, I won’t forget that he’s the one who’s always been there for me when others weren’t. I won’t forget the fact that he makes me laugh, that he makes my day when I feel down.

But most of all, I won’t forget about this trust. There’s hardly anyone I tell as much as I tell Lee. Lee said himself once: “I am your diary.” - It’s true. Once he said he’d like to read my diary, but there’s no point - he knows everything anyway.

Well, apart from one thing of course. That I love him again. Maybe he does know, I tell him from time to time, but somehow I’ve got the feeling that he takes it all for a big joke. How the hell am I supposed to know if he never ever shows his feelings?

Maybe I’m ‘only’ a good friend for him. And our friendship means the world to me, it does. It’s a really really strong friendship that resisted so much already. It resisted when I got on his nerves or when he got on mine…all the time. When I told him I love him the first time. It also resisted when we had all our rows, when we didn’t speak to each other for over a month. It resisted through all the times I hated him. And through all the times I’ve loved him.

Basically, we’ve been to hell and back again, but through it all, he’s always been my best friend. And even more than that. If only I was with him…and there it is again: the fundamental problem I talked about before: the distance.

But probably, we’ll never meet. I’m taking my final exams this year, planning to go to University in England in July 2009. Which is exactly the time when Lee plans to join the army. The timing couldn’t be worse. And that makes me very very sad. I’ve imagined so often what it would be like if we lived in the same town. We could meet up as often as we wanted to. We would probably be even better friends than we are now. And probably we would’ve been long together.

The distance gets more and more unbearable each day…but will we ever have the opportunity to look into each others eyes? Will I ever have the opportunity to hold him in my arms?If this is a story like Romeo and Juliet, I suppose not.

….To be continued?!?….

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     I first met Andrew through a mutual friend of ours. She had called him and invited him to come hang out on the main street of my hometown, which was about a twenty minute drive from his hometown. Her intention was to set him up with another friend of ours, named Crystal, although if I had known that at the time, I may have warned him away. Crystal had previously dated my uncle Tad, and the entire time they were dating, she was cheating on him. When I think about it, though, if I had warned him away, we may never have gotten reacquainted. So things probably happened the way they did for a reason.
Anyway, I met him that night and thought he was incredibly good-looking, nice and all in all just a really cool guy, but I had my sights set on someone else at the time, so although he seemed like a good guy, I didn’t push the matter.

A month later, right after I started my first semester of college, he saw me on Crystal’s friends’ list on Myspace.com. He remembered me, added me, and we started messaging back and forth. This went on for about a week, but it was three weeks into the semester, he went to the same college, and I had no friends there, so I wanted to get to know him better. I finally got the courage to step it up a notch, and I asked him to add me on Windows Live Messenger (so brave, I know lol). The first night we chatted, I believe it was a Thursday night, our conversation lasted for seven hours!The more I learned about him, as the conversation went on, the more intrigued I was. He was romantic, chivalrous, sweet, thoughtful, and we had so much in common, it was like I had found another me! Absolutely amazing!
I discovered that Crystal had dumped him a few days before. Neither of us believe in rebounds, so we both agreed that if we were going to have any kind of relationship, we would start out as friends, and just see where things went.
We finally called it a night around 3:00 a.m., but not before he asked me out on our first “date,” breakfast at Hardee’s the next morning.

I was so excited that I couldn’t sleep, so I stayed in the dorm computer lab for a while longer. As I messed around on the internet, a young man named Nick Kimmel came into the computer lab. He wasn’t in there for very long, and he asked if I wanted to come back to his room and watch movies. In my Freshman naivete, and eager to make a new friend, I agreed. When we got into his room, I discovered to my horror that he was NOT just being a nice guy, and though I was almost raped, I managed to fight him off and escape to my room, rather shaken but physically unharmed.
I lay in bed that night, crying hard and praying to God (I’m a very religious person) for a good guy, who would love me for who I was and be as much my friend as my lover. I didn’t realize He would answer my prayer so quickly.
I went to breakfast the next morning with Andrew, and we again talked for a very long time. I was nervous at first. He was so tall, around 6′2″, and I was so small, 5′0″. He was a perfect gentleman, though.
As we ate and talked, I studied him. At the age of 22, he was only three years older than me, but he seemed very mature and somewhat old fashioned in his beliefs about life and love. He had what I would call an old soul. I could tell he was growing weary of offering his heart and having it smashed, and he seemed very guarded as well. But he was also friendly, and sweet. We hit it off immediately, and so agreed to go hunting the next Monday when we came back for the next week of classes.
Andrew quickly became my best friend. My first impression of him was accurate at the time, but there was so much more to him than that. He loved  to sing, and we’d do loud, obnoxious duets in the car on the way out to our favorite hunting spots. He was mature and steady when the situation called for it, but he was also very fun loving, and he knew that there are times to be silly and just let go and be yourself. He lived and breathed hunting and fishing, just like I did. We found that getting out and enjoying nature was the one way we could be our closest to the God who created it all.
We did almost everything together: homework, studying, running errands, hanging out, doing all kinds of outdoor activities. We even ended up working together as tutors at the campus student support service. As a side job, he stocked chips and pizzas at Wal*Mart and Hy-Vee, and I’d tag along and help out.
He was so handsome, so funny, so giving, and kind. Not just to me, but to everyone. He was one of those nice guys that everyone overlooked. And I soon realized that I was really growing to care for him, far more than I wanted to admit.

I ended up blurting it out to him one night after he’d had a bad day. We were talking online, like we did every night before we went to bed, and he was upset because he felt like nothing he did was making anyone happy; because all of his friends seemed to be kicking him out of their lives; because no woman would ever just love him for who he was.
And I asked him, “Why can’t you just let me love you?”
His response was no surprise. “YOU LOVE ME???”
I then just threw in the towel and told him everything. How I loved his beautiful blue eyes, his soft brown hair, his contagious laugh, how he could brighten my day with a simple smile. That I loved how I could be my crazy, silly, goofy self, and he may look at me funny for a moment, but soon, he would be right there with me, laughing and joking and having a good time.
I had indeed fallen in love. With my best friend.
He gently told me that while he cared deeply about me, he didn’t quite feel the same way. He was still in a lot of pain from his last relationship and wasn’t sure if he wanted to risk getting hurt again so soon. And I understood completely. I just wanted to be there for him and wanted him to know I cared.

I didn’t realize how hard it would be, though. Things were a little awkward the first couple of days after I had admitted everything to him, but we soon settled back into our old routine. Unfortunately, I didn’t realize how overwhelming my feelings would be, once I knew that he knew how I felt.
To put it mildly, it was Hell. Whoever said, “The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting next to them unable to hold them or kiss them,” knew exactly what they were talking about. What I didn’t realize was that he wasn’t being completely honest with me.
I began noticing some odd behavior. A lingering look into my eyes here, an accidental-on-purpose brush against my arm there. How gently he’d kiss my cheek every time we said good-bye. I’ll never forget one night, in early November. We’d both been so busy all week that we’d barely had time to see each other. I had gone straight home for the weekend instead of spending that Friday night helping Andrew stock chips. My mother was preparing to drive me back up Sunday evening to college, when Andrew called and asked where we were. We told him, and since his town was halfway between my home and my destination, he offered to meet us halfway, and if I helped him stock pizzas and chips at Wal*Mart, he’d drive me the rest of the way to Trenton. Well, my mother dropped me off with him, and we were goofing off after we’d finished stocking. We were in the sporting goods aisle, and I was staring in disinterest at turkey calls when he came up behind me, wrapped his arms around me, gave me a gentle squeeze and said that he’d missed me. Which resulted in an unbelievable explosion of butterflies, but it was nothing compared to half an hour later as we were preparing to leave.
We were pulling out of the parking lot, had stopped at a stop sign, and I was looking out the window for oncoming cars. I felt Andrew softly touch my cheek with one finger. I turned to look at him, and we gazed into each other’s eyes. “I missed you,” he whispered softly.
“I missed you too,” I whispered back. Then he leaned closer, and gently, oh so gently, we kissed , a kiss that gave me goosebumps and made my heart absolutely melt.
He continued to run his fingers through my hair as we drove out of town, and look at me with such a tender expression on his face that I just knew he had to care more than he was letting on. But it wasn’t until a few nights later, when he was driven to tears, that he finally confessed how he really felt.

Another young man had, for some odd reason, attached himself to me. I had never given him any reason at all to believe that we were more than friends, but one evening at work, right in front of Andrew, the guy told me that he was in love with me, and that upset Andrew greatly.
Andrew lived with his parents about 25 miles away from our college town, and he left for home right after Tim confessed his affections for me. Drew called me on his way and told me that if I wanted to date Tim then that was ok and he’d support me in whatever I decided. But he was crying. Something wasn’t right. I asked him what was wrong and he wouldn’t tell me.
I finally got him to explain everything when he got home and we were talking on Windows messenger. I asked him what he wanted to do the next day, and he said he didn’t care. I asked him if he wanted to go to dinner and then go fishing for a while. He said he had to be home early for dinner, which didn’t make sense because he never had to be home early on Monday nights. So, I asked him why he had to be home for dinner early.
“Randi, there’s a reason I don’t want to do anything with you tomorrow. You want to date Tim and that would make things awkward between us.”
That was news to me. I never said I wanted to date Tim.  Chalk one up for Andrew assuming the worst. I made this clear to Andrew.
Then the truth came out: “Randi, I’m in love with you.”
This was followed by my jaw dropping, me fighting back tears of immense, unfathomable joy, and telling him with everything I had that I loved him too.

Unfortunately, this isn’t where the Happily-Ever-After comes in. See, before Andrew had met me, he’d already basically transferred to another college some 200 miles away, because being a few years older than me, he was already almost done with junior college and was ready for the real thing. And in January he did move.
We didn’t give up though. We only got to see each other a couple of times a month. And it was hard. Myspace, Facebook, Windows Messenger, late night phone calls, the occasional visit and unconditional love are what kept us together.

You may wonder what became of us. I’m happy to say that we’ve been together for two years. A year after Andrew moved to Missouri State, I was able to do the same.
Once again, we are able to do almost everything together. And I mean everything. Andrew really is an amazing man. A diamond in the rough. I’m not saying it’s all roses and rainbows and butterflies. Every couple has conflicts, and we have had some BIG ones. But each challenge we work through only brings us closer together and there’s a very good chance that within the next six months, we’ll be engaged.
Not long ago, I found a list in an old box of things at my parents’ home. It was a list I’d made at church camp years ago of everything I wanted in a man. As I read it, I realized that Andrew was everything on that list.
He has truly made me a better person. I used to be very introverted, shy, timid. I didn’t like being around people and kept to myself until I met My Drew. Now I’m outgoing, love meeting new people and making new friends, and I’m not terrified to take a chance and strike out on my own. Of course he still thinks he is my big protector and if any guy so much as looks at me weird, Andrew asks if he wants me to kick some butt, but that’s understandable lol. (I generally say ”No” to that question, by the way.)
Andrew is my other half. He is the best friend I’ve ever had, and the biggest crush I’ve ever had. He is my comfort when I’m afraid or sad. He is the one person who has always been there for me, no matter the cost or the consequences. He is the love of my life. He is…my knight in shining armor.

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