Let's say that his name is Jason, he is the same age as me and we just connected on so many levels...

We've exchanged photos and spoken on the phone, and talked all the time on ICQ.

My husband has no idea and I feel so guilty at times, but if you only knew my husband's past record. He has been unfaithful numerous times and claims that he hasn't been since we were married, however I know that I will never be completely happy with him, because there is so much pain.

I know that that doesn't justify my actions but you can't deny what your heart tells you. 

My online love has expressed his devotion and promised me a whole new life if I wanted it, I am so confused on what I want. The major consideration is my kids of course and I don't know if I could bring myself to taking them away from their father.

I know that Jason is all that I ever wanted and he is my dream come true, now I just don't know what to do with this dream of mine. If there were no obligations with my children I would already be with Jason. However I am now in a situation where Jason and I have had a disagreement and there were a lot of hurtful things said and now things haven't been the same in a few days.

I called him yesterday and I thought that things were at least a little bit better, but since yesterday morning I haven't heard from him....here's the thing I think that I have lost him and it is tearing me apart. I know that I am married and that he is making all kinds of sacrifices due to that, but I don't think that I can live my life without Jason in it. I don't know how to quite explain this to you, I love him with every part of my being and I want him back, but if he has lost interest I don't want to pursue him.

Fate has a funny way of working things out and I guess we will just have to see what fate has in store for my sweet Jason and me.

"Sonia"

>> Continued in Part Two