I like to read love stories. I prefer to stay at home and watch movies with friends rather than going out and getting drunk. I can't stand people like that. Last year I was in a relationship with a European girl. Oh she was utterly wonderful - I didn't realise how wonderful. She had a very philosophical view on life. She knew what she wanted, and she knew how to get it. She loved to love - and she loved me, and for that I am forever thankful. She could look at any person and literally tell me their past present and future without even knowing them. I was amazed. 

Ah, she was gorgeous. She had dark skin, gorgeous eyes and long, flowing chestnut brown hair, and a killer accent. Seven months into the relationship she told me something. When she was young...9..10..11.. She had cancer. Leukemia. If that's how you spell it. She was supposed to go and get blood work done every three months. But she had missed one recently. And the next time she went she discovered the cancer was back - and it was bad. There was no hope for her. Oh Yes, she held on for 6 weeks. The last thing she told me was "I can't do this. I Love You too much." And that...was that.

Because of her, my life changed so much - Yeah, I used to be one of those, go out get drunk every night. But she showed me a whole new world...she taught me how to truly love...

A few months later, after much grief, I found myself in an Internet relationship with a girl on the other side of the country. Ah, she was nothing compared the the love I had just lost. Yeah, she was alright looking I guess.... I decided to have a go at it. Yeah.. she was a year older than me...and she liked to go out drinking every weekend - that's when I told her about my ex, and how much better life can be. So I told her...the alcohol...or me... Ah, unfortunately, she chose me. And I found myself falling a little bit more in love each day. Then I discovered she was a very...ah, I don't know how to say it. Her mother is trying to form her into the perfect HOUSE WIFE. I don't want that. "Hey, watcha been doing today". "Oh you know! Dishes, ironing, cleaning up the house". Which Is what I am told almost every day. She's 18 and her mother still beats her. Yeah, I love her, but I don't believe she can love me back. After my love died... I fell into a deep, clinical depression and put on a lot of weight... I am not good looking at all ... But she tells me she loves me... and she wants only me. The other night I told her how I want a baby. She told me. "I want to have a baby for you..." 

That made me smile. But she's going away to University next year. She tells me she's going to come over here. But from the way she speaks to me.... I can see clearly that I am not included in her plans... or am very low on her list of priorities. I am in love with her. I want her so much. I don't want to be lonely anymore. I NEED HER BECAUSE I LOVE HER! The only thing I don't like is how she is always trying to be better than my ex.... and the only way she knows how is sexually. I want to be with her. I so much want to be with her. She lies to me though. She tells me she's going out or something, and goes out and drinks. I don't want her doing that. God only knows what will happen or who she'll end up in bed with! Ah. It frustrates me so, so much. 

Well..that's my story. Just remember people... Love doesn't ask why. 

Thanks for reading my story... 

"Shakaar"