The point was we realized there was something there right away and pretty soon after gagging everyone else in the Reading room with our expressions of love and his adorable macros, My Justicar made us a room of our own and invited me to it.

Then he IMed me and told me to come there cause he had something he wanted to tell me. My stomach was so full of butterfies at that moment, I swear...I knew something momentous was about to happen. and it did :-) He told me he loved me for the first time and I told him I loved him too!

And so began one solid month of chatting online AND on the phone (bloody greedy phone companies!!!)....Did I mention yet, that I am from Oregon and he is in England? :-) well, there it is, 5000 miles between us. and it is NOT easy being apart THATS for sure.

Anyway, I digress.....after this first month of being "together", my love tells me he is coming here to meet me, so he does, and I'm at the airport waiting for him and going Apeshit with the nerves of it all, and I have no idea how to recognize him because we had never even swapped photos, we wanted to be pleasantly surprised because we knew we loved each other in our souls already, you see? So he comes over to me when I'm looking towards the jetway and he says "Hello Empress" (his pet name for me) He said he recognized me because of my red hair and he just KNEW it was me. And for my part I looked into his killer green eyes and was totally lost. It felt like coming home.

So there followed 4 of the most glorious weeks together...and it was heaven. Then it came time for him to return....and we both felt like we were going to the Guillotine. and so he got on the plane to leave, and I thought I was going to die. So I'm sitting there watching his plane right? and all of a sudden I look over towards the gate entrance and he is standing there talking to an airport attendant (he hadn't spotted me yet, he thought I had already left)...and I run up to him all THRILLED to see him again, as if I hadn't seen him in MONTHS. And he hugs me and says he can't leave me yet, he wants more time with me...so he changes his flight to a week from that day. And guess what?? He did THAT 2 more times, before he finally went back to England.

Three more months went by, before we saw each other again, and this time it was FAR worse because we had been together physically. It was a terrible time..it was. But then we decided that this time I would be the one to come to England...only I was going to make a huge leap. I was moving there and not coming back....and I was leaving my kids.

Everyone out there will probably think I was terrible for even considering this but they must read the rest of our story because things change dramatically. Firstly, I wasn't leaving them because I didn't love them. I DO. Very very much. But I was one single mother who had had years of nothing but drudgery, work, and basically slavery to my kids...I pretty much had no life. And along comes this man who loves me with his whole heart and wants to take me away from all that...few woman I believe could resist. You see, HE treated me like a queen, THEY treated me like a slave "Mom!!! get me this, get me that!!!" etc.

So anyway, I made my decision to go, I was going to leave them with my mother and go off to be with My Justicar. And so I did, I went to England, fell in love with the country and even MORE in love with him...we lived in a beautiful cottage from the 1600s (he'll correct me if I'm wrong here, I'm sure! :-) )...and generally it was idyllic for about 3 months. And then I lost it...I realized I couldn't leave my kids, it wasn't the "right" thing to do...and I started having dreams of them here, missing me and crying out for me. (they're 11 and 14, both boys)

And so with much tears between us both, I came back....and realized it was the worst mistake of my life because nothing had changed. The kids still treated me like a slave, my mother still nagged me about spending so much time online (at 37, can you believe it?) and so 3 weeks later I went back again...this time to stay. And that's when my world almost ended. My Justicar became very sick...until one day it was so bad neither of us could ignore it anyway thinking it would just go away, and so I called 999 (the English equivalent to 911) and we went to the hospital. I won't go into all the details because it's private and personal, and remembering that time still causes pain...so all I will say is that he was sick, the doctors didn't know if he'd make it....but he did, they said his recovery was miraculous.

After a week we were sent home (I had stayed with him) by the way, I must pause here to say that I feel Britain's medical care system is the finest in the world. Every citizen has free medical care regardless of income or social status. During the hospital stay I noticed so many differences in the care my love received. For example, here in the states when you go to the hospital, their first question is "who is paying for this"...money, that's all they care about. In England their first and ONLY concern was saving my mans life. This is true altruism and what medicine should be everywhere in my humble opinion.

Ok..back to the story (sorry to digress so much!). My love comes home from the hospital and we're back in our cottage. He's feeling better, healing well...and the only black cloud is that I'm going back to Oregon. Why? for many reasons which are very personal and very private. but all I can say is that I didn't think he wanted me anymore, and he felt the same thing about me. and it was a grave mistake to second guess each others feelings like that. I just want to say to everyone out there who may be reading this...when you know in your heart that someone loves you, it's right. Never let moments of insecurity screw with that and make you question what you know in your heart to be true. We both did that and because of it we've been apart 6 months now.
Part II comes after we're back together again and we're not sure when that will be. 
He's decided to come here so that I can be with my children until they are 18.....but in the meantime I am going to England to be with him until his work visa papers are approved.

But there's a huge problem to surmount before that can happen...he has to get a job and no one will hire him because he was in the hospital, so he's facing discrimination from that. Also, England's economy isn't so great now and there's a lot of unemployment. So we're waiting for that at the moment. Him getting a job, and then he plans to send for me at which point I am THERE!!!! 

Bet your ass! heheheee...I'll be back WITH my new husband as we plan to marry in England by the way...a private ceremony in a special place we love. A circle of stones which shall remain nameless again because it's our private special place. It also has enormous power and we believe we will be blessed by the Goddess there. :-) 'nuff said on that!

Just a couple questions I want to throw out there to anyone with a sympathetic ear who may be listening. Why does it seem the world conspires to keep you apart from the one you love so very much? Why should a pair of soul-mates be kept apart simply because they do not have money? And WHY is the government such a soulless, incompetent, uncaring bastard of a machine? (4 times he's ordered his immigration papers, 4 times they've assured him their in the mail...guess what? NADA!!!) It just feels so often that the world is taking great pleasure in keeping us apart. and aside for seriously pissing us off....it also breaks our hearts. Thanks for listening. :-)

"Escalla"