I had "found" this guy on AOL Instant Messenger and he had asked me to pray for him. I, being the Christian that I am, said sure. So, I typed this prayer to him and then we talked for a bit. He then left. 

The next night, I again was on. I spend A LOT of time on line. Maybe TOO much time!! Well, "he" comes on. I'm like "Hi" and all the normal greeting things happen. Then, something that has NEVER happened to me on line before happens!! Alan, that's his name, says "I think I'm falling for you". I was like "WHAT?!?!" and I freaked out!! Then, it was like my hands were typing on there own. They typed "I love you" and then I was like I didn't just type that. Alan told me I had and I freaked out more! We talked some more and we learned that we had some things in common. 

Alan goes to a college in Nashville, TN and I go to a Christian college here in VA. So, there is some distance between us. Well, after our semi-confessions of love, we talked and talked. Both of us felt like we could tell the other anything!! The relationship grew and after just a few weeks or maybe it was even less then that, we talked about marriage. Now, me not even 20 and Alan going on 21, we both knew right now would not be a good time to get married, so we decided to wait. We talked about where the wedding would be, what song to dance to first, etc. Then, as Spring Break approached, Alan wondered where I was going. I was going home.

See I had told little of this to my mom and she was NOT too happy about this whole thing. Well, I went home. I missed Alan and thought of him. I had thought he had gone home and I knew that he might have seen his old girlfriend there. I got jealous and started to have doubts. When I came back to college from going home, which is in PA, I got online. Alan told me that he and some of his friends had gone to New Orleans. I had been jealous for no reason whatsoever! Alan thought my being jealous was very cute though. Me, I thought I was being stupid and immature. More weeks of talking online about everything under the sun past. I mean EVERYTHING!! If you can name it, we probably talked about it! Then, for Easter, I got this silly notion in my head, well maybe not silly, but I got this idea in my head to go visit Alan. Alan thought it was a great idea until I told my mom and she got all upset! 

Then, Alan made it pretty clear, without really trying to, that I had to come see him. I knew without a doubt that is whole trip thing would change our lives one way or the other, which of course it did. So, I bought the plane ticket, which I did online and before I told my mom about going. I used all the money I had in my checking account, that was a bad move! I told my roommate about it and she thought that my staying in the same house as Alan was a big mistake, but Alan and I had talked about waiting and saving sex for marriage, so I knew that wasn't going to happen. Alan and I were getting very excited about this trip I was planning on taking. Someone told me that Alan should have made the trip if he was a gentleman. I think that it doesn't matter who takes the trip, what matters is that the trip was taken! 

On the day I left for the trip, I got on a Greyhound bus at 4:00am. I got into Washington, D.C. at about 6:15am and took a train to Baltimore-Washington International Airport. I was too excited to eat much!! I slept some on both flights of my trip. When I got to the Nashville Airport, Alan was no where to be seen. I got a little anxious. I called him at his place and said that I was here at the airport, but he wasn't. Then, I saw him, just minutes after I had called. We hugged and he told me that he had been down at the baggage claim. We walked to his car and then drove to his place. Alan has 9 roommates, making it 10 guys in this place. Alan assured me that I wasn't going to be the only girl there. With ten guys in one place, I wasn't surprised. Alan showed me to where his room was. 

We had our very first kiss, which was also the VERY first kiss of my life, on Alan's bed. It was nice, and then we got even more physical, but like I said before we didn't make love. Later that night, Alan took me to Olive Garden for supper and we talked for hours. The next day, I woke up at about ten minutes to nine. Alan had to be at class in 20 minutes. So, I walked down the steps and walked over to the couch. I woke Alan up and he was like I got time. I was like ok. Alan told me he would be back for lunch. So, I waited and waited, but then I fell asleep. When I woke up, it was about the time Alan was to come back from classes. He had forgotten to come back and I told him it was ok since I had gotten some much needed sleep. We decided to go for a walk in the Centennial Park. We walked around the pond and watched the ducks. We sat on a swing and talked for awhile. Then we left so that Alan could go for his run. Alan is on the cross country team of his college, and needs to keep in shape. He thought that difference in us would be a big problem, but to me it is not. So, I hung out while he ran and then we went to a Chinese restaurant with his friends for supper. The food was great!! 

Then, around midnight, Alan took me to a Waffle House with his friend. That was a good time, too. Alan and I shared his bed for two nights, not making love, but just holding each other. To the modern world, most would be like oh SURE you just held each other, but that is what we did. Maybe we were still pretty physical, but we knew when to stop and not to go too far. The next day, which was Friday, we slept until 2:30pm. Then, we had a cookout or rather Alan had one. He lost two hotdogs and two hamburgers in the coals. I had a good laugh over that, but Alan wasn't too thrilled about it. Then, we headed downtown. We went on a carriage ride and afterward we went into a shop that sold teddy bears. Alan bought me one:) Then, we went to Opryland. Alan wanted to show me the Opryland Hotel, but there were no parking spaces, so I just saw the outside of it. Then, we went miniature golfing, and Alan won. I wanted to get ice cream, so Alan took me to Basken Robin's or something like that. 

After we got home from there, we hung out for a bit until it was time to go to a church service with Alan's one roommate and some other friends. The service was nice and then we went back to Alan's place and went to bed. The next day was the day I had to go back to college. I didn't want to leave. When the alarm went off, I got up and took my shower. Alan was still asleep so I watched him sleep until I had to wake him so he could drive me to the airport. All the way to the airport, Alan kept saying "I love you" and I would reply the same thing. Our feelings had grown, instead of weakened as both of us had feared. As we waited for my flight to be called, neither one could really talk. Then my flight was called. We hugged and kissed good bye and I walked down the hall to the airplane. I knew if I looked back I would cry, so I looked straight ahead and kept walking. The two flights back to Baltimore were sadder then I could have ever imaged. I thought of everything that had happened between Alan and me. It has been hard now not to think about Alan. At times, I can still here his voice and still think that any moment he is going to walk into the room and say in his Georgia accent "Hi honey", but that never happens. 

Both of us are happy where we are to a degree as long as we take each other out of the picture. For when we are in the picture, our decisions are based more on our relationship, not on what God really wants. So, we now believe we have to wait until we can have a more meaningful relationship. We are not saying that we are breaking it off, because neither wants that. We are more or less saying that we are waiting for the right time for when we can make this relationship into more of a relationship. Right now though, we like to get to know each other. I for one like the idea of falling more in love with Alan every day and I know he does as well. I'm not sure if the story is done yet though...I'll keep you informed.

"Jen"