I used ICQ as a link to friends and family whom I had left behind in Cairns when I moved to Brisbane. I left my ex partner (we were never married) after 10years and 2 children, 2 domestic violence orders and a drug and alcohol addiction (his not mine) that left me drained emotionally and financially. I had been in Brisbane for 4 months. I was working and exercising, loving my children and my life again. 

Things inside of me were finally starting to feel good again. I got a message on day while online in ICQ.. it was a simple hello.

I searched the profile and saw this man was from New York.. how exotic i thought. I said hi and we started talking about his place where he was living and of all things talked about washing machines. He was funny and it was nice to chat in general about normal everyday things. I later found out that he was online looking for people in his area to chat with... my name kept popping up on his search screen and eventually he had to respond.

Over the next 2 months we chatted off and on as friends. We eventually talked about our children and our past. Anthony was his name and after a long emails and internet chats all on ICQ, we started to phone each other. I fell in love with him when he read me the most amazing story ( "The Giving Tree" by Shel Silverstein) on the phone one day when I was sick .. that also was our first ever phone chat. 

All those feelings over the next few months through our phone calls and our chats... giving him my phone number.. will we ever meet? .. the emotions and the words going though my mind "what am I doing?" the first time he said he loved me ... The questions of 'am i mad??' .. and then the decision to travel to a state half way across the world to meet him ALONE. 

I can never explain all of my story, our spiritual connection for example.. dreaming of things we are doing at the time they happen, and the feeling of knowing each other so well the feelings of how we were meant to meet.. the signs of things unexplained like the date i arrived and its significance to both of us in the past totally unplanned... the amazing connection with his mom when I finally met her.

I had to meet him so bad...I didn't have the money and my mum helped me to get there to meet him. I flew to New York to spend Christmas and new year with him and his family (the song that is ours is Mariah Carey's.. "all I want for Christmas is you" (he sent me this cd before I left)... that song still makes me cry. I wasn't interested in seeing anything i just wanted to spend every moment with him. We knew what it was going to be like when we saw each other for that very first time only it was better than either of us thought it would be. 

I was at the back of the plane when it landed and I couldn't get off quick enough climbing over seats to get to the other side that was moving more quickly. The agony of the time ticking by as I was going through customs then finally I walked out and recognised him immediately and the smile that came across his face stayed the whole 3 weeks I was there. He gave me the biggest hug and then a little kiss and I could see how nervous he was just as much as me. We walked out of the airport and I couldn't stop looking at him and I could see in his eyes how happy he was and we talked and talked and never stopped.

The chemistry was incredible and we were inseparable for the 3 weeks I was there. Never once in the moments of meeting in the moments after making love at anytime did he or I feel uncomfortable.. it was magic from the moment we met on ICQ and it was a dream from the moment I saw him in person. He proposed on the day we spent sightseeing in NYC on top of the Empire State building 2 days before I left...and I accepted. I left to return home on the 5th Jan 2001 we both cried all the way from his place in upstate New York to the airport and for 2 solid hours there.. he cried after and I cried all the way home - I was so upset I broke down before getting on the flight and just didn't stop... I never cried so much or felt so empty in all my life. 

I think the most significant thing with regards to my wonderful love story is the fact that I have 2 children and was in an abusive relationship for 10 years. I was not looking for love when we met. He also has two children and has been divorced for 6 years. I was never married and never wanted marriage in my life. He commits his time as a volunteer firefighter and works night shifts at a big well known company in New York. Our children are almost the same age and our daughters look undeniably like twins. So much so that his own brother mistook my daughter in a photo as his niece. 

I returned to Australia with no idea what to do with my life now. All I knew was that we had to be together somehow. You could imagine my problem being a mum with 2 kids .. the oceans between us seemed a lifetime away I needed to do so much to leave and spend my life with him the pain and the thoughts were unbearable at times. Anthony had worked for 12 yrs with the fire service and travelled 3.5 hrs each way to see his children every other weekend. It was a very difficult situation for both of us to know what to do.

We talked a lot when I got back to Brisbane and it was so hard not to cry just hearing his voice. We decided that we just had to be together and made a decision that the only way was for me to try to move there as his dedication to his jobs and his children were way too much for him to leave behind. The economy was a better option too but to take my children there was going to prove to be very difficult also. 

Then my dear mum.. who had seen how terrible my life had been .. saved me from insanity. She offered us to live with her in Canberra so I could save and get things sorted out in order to move to the States. Since Feb 2001 I have been here. I got a solicitor and started to sort out my problem with the kids dad .. an agreement was made by the court that would give him contact with them each year for the US Summer holidays and had him sign the forms for the passports. The hardest part of my problem seemed to sort itself out quite quickly.

The court agreement was signed and Anthony and I started to plan our wedding. All my dreams were coming true. He came to Australia and I met him in Sydney on July 4 2001. He met my children and they were instantly mates. My son just followed him around everywhere and my daughter told him he had the most beautiful eyes she had ever seen. 

We were married on July 11, 2001 at "Salmon Haul" Bass and Flinders Point at Cronulla Sydney - the spot that Captain Cook arrived at. Overlooking the ocean that kept us so far apart. With some of my family there and a small group of friends we vowed our love for each other forever. It was the happiest day of my life and no person and no distance could ever change that.

We had a great honeymoon just the two of us on the Gold Coast the weather was perfect and so was our love for each other. Talking and communicating to my best friend and having him as my husband for life it was like nothing I had ever known. Words cant describe how wonderful our relationship is and the strongest bonds of trust and faith in each other was real. I credit our great communication from our longest deep and intimate talks on the internet and over the phone. He loved Australia and we needed to prepare ourselves for the departure once again. We visited the US Consulate 3 days before he was due to fly home and we lodged petitions for myself and my children for residency in the United States. 

Anthony flew home on the 27th July, 2 weeks after we were married and it was no easier than the first time. The first few days were a haze, and crying came so easily. But we had to be strong and work towards our dream of being together for life. I started working again and preparing everything for the immigration interview, selling everything and preparing to move to the States. Then it happened!!

Sept 11 .......

"Doreen"

>> Continued in Part Two.