I always had a problem getting a guy being a BBW in my area. Until I found that channel I actually kept it a secret for the 3 years I was online. It was so nice to
feel like I could be myself somewhere finally. Now at this time in my life I was not looking for a relationship but deep down I was very lonely for companionship.

I had many problems of my own to deal with. I found out I was Severely Depressed months before. I was on medication to stop me from trying to kill myself and mutilate my body. I had many surgeries on my mouth the summer before which made me feel very unattractive. 

I had also been in a previous Internet Relationship the year before. It turned bad when I was dumped because this guy couldn't imagine being with someone like me after my surgeries. That night I was talking to prdiana one of the Channel Operators. She is like the Poster Child of the Channel because she married the guy she met from there. They are very happily married and she would love to see other people as happy as she
is. She was joking around with me that night saying she should try to hook me up with someone. I went along with it thinking it wasn't going to happen.. this wasn't serious. Boy was I wrong!*lol*

Now Di had asked me what I was looking for in a guy so every time someone would come in the Channel she would quiz them. She would find out if they were Male/Female, Age, Single, etc.. People probably thought she was nuts that night.. *lol* No one seemed to interest me yet at that point. I didn't talk to any of
the guys she gave the quiz to. Then I saw ^Wolverin enter the channel. Something in my heart made me pay closer attention to this guy. Maybe it was his nick or maybe it was the way he presented himself in the channel? I had no idea but I really wanted to get to know this guy. This part I found out after Wolverin and I started dating but he said
that something told him he should go to Undernet that night. He never had gone there before but something was telling him to.. boy am I glad he listened to that little voice! :-)

He and I didn't start out talking right away. I sat back and watched him in the channel for a little bit. I was also talking to Di in private message and telling her I was starting to get interested in ^Wolverin. She kept telling me to talk to him but for some reason I found myself too shy! Now I am a very shy person in real life but on IRC I am the total opposite!  Then came the time I knew if I didn't do something he would be gone. He asked if there was any single ladies in the channel. I told him I was and he asked for my picture. Wolverin is the first guy I gave my real picture to so I was very nervous! You have to remember I kept it hidden for years I was a BBW. I never felt more relieved then when I did when I saw his private message. The first thing he told me was I was very
beautiful and he knew I just had to have a boyfriend. He was pretty shocked when I told him I was very single.

We slowly started talking. I decided I wanted to be upfront with this guy so I told him the truth about me. I told him about the medication I was taking, about the problems I was having, and about the attempts I had made to take my life. I just couldn't lie to him and I was really starting to like him. I figured it would be best to get it out right away so that way if he ran it wouldn't hurt as bad. Wolverin did not run. He did not think any less of me. :-)

We talked for hours over the computer. It was like every thing one of us said the other one said 'me too'. We had the same dreams, same wants, same hopes, etc... Have gave me his picture and I fell in love with his eyes and lips. Wolverin has the most
beautiful eyes I have ever seen on a man! :-)  We were getting along really good and he never once got sick or perverted. Now for those of you who IRC you know that most guys are always asking you what you are wearing, what your bra size is, or if you want to cyber with them. Gets very annoying! Wolverin was a perfect gentleman! That was a big bonus in his favor! :-)

The next thing we knew we were both really wanting to hear each other. Now I normally don't let anyone call me from IRC unless they are a really good friend of mine. I gave Wolverin my # anyway. :-) He called me up right away and he has the sexiest
voice! We talked to rest of the night away on the phone! This is when we found out we both loved Wrestling and Football. He is a Dallas Cowboy fan and I am a Green Bay Packer fan.. *lol* For those of you who don't know, Packers and Cowboys had a huge
rivalry for many years.

After that first night of talking on the computer and phone we would talk every day on the computer and phone. Wolverin talked about a future with me and to tell you the truth, it scared me a lot. I wasn't ready at that time for a relationship and this guy is talking about stuff that is in the future. He had even talked about what we would get for our house when we moved together. I hate saying this now (I love you Honey..hehe) but I did try to back off from this relationship. It was just going way to fast for me and I got scared. Instead of backing away I decided to tell Wolverin it was going too fast for me. The funny thing is now in our relationship I am the one who is getting impatient and
wanting to be together! *lol*

After about a week of talking to Wolverin I decided to tell my family that I had meet a guy I really liked on the Internet. I showed them his picture and told them about him. My Dad did have a problem with Wolverin being African American/Puerto Rican. I really hate saying that because he is my Dad and all. My Mom didn't have a problem nor did my Sister and Brother. My Grandparents on my Dad's side did have a problem - not surprised eh? My Grandmother on my Mom's side was very happy for me.  I realized I was in love with Wolverin in September - 2 months after I met him. I think I fell in love with him a lot sooner then that but only realized it then. I was so busy trying to fight falling in love with him that I had fallen in love with him! I couldn't wait to tell Wolverin because I knew he was in love with me and wouldn't say it until I did. I wrote him an
e-mail that night telling him how much I loved him. I know it wasn't the best way to do it but he never called me that night like I thought he would.. *lol*

Well, when Wolverin read the e-mail he did call me because he wanted to hear me say I Love You and he wanted to say it to me. :-)  By now we really wanted to meet each other. Wolverin bought a plane ticket to come spend 2 weeks with me in Wisconsin. I was getting so excited! But, then he got hurt playing Football one weekend before he was to come. He had to have surgery on his ankle and the doctors said there was no way he could hold off till he got back. We were both really disappointed but we decided
that I could come to Connecticut instead for the same amount of time he would have come here. Since Wolverin could not get his plane ticket put into my name I had to take the Greyhound bus.

My first time on one and might I add, my last! It was hell for me! I really did not care for that one bit. I was so nervous/anxious/excited/scared all rolled up into one when I finally arrived in New Haven, Connecticut. I was lucky and Wolverin wasn't there yet so I ran to the bathroom in hopes to  at least fix my hair and make up a bit. I spent the last 37 hours on a bus mind you.. *lol* 

When I was sitting there waiting for Wolverin I would look at every guy that walked by. I was so nervous and so afraid that I would miss him or something. Finally he walked over to me and I looked into those beautiful eyes and saw that smile. :-) This wasn't very romantic of me but I was in such a dying need of a cigarette I asked him if we could go outside right away. You have to remember I was so nervous and I didn't know what to do.. *lol* When we got out to his car he handed me a dozen red roses. How romantic! We drove around so he could show me where he lived, where he worked, and then we picked up some Chinese food.

When we finally got back to the hotel he had another dozen red roses, 10 carnations, and candles waiting for me. Awww... I love my Teddy Bear.. he is such a romantic! :-) We ate Chinese by candlelight that night. I was ready for a nice long hot shower so he gave me the biggest hug before I got in. It felt so good to be in his arms and holding me so tight! I didn't want to let go. When I got out of the shower we were cuddling up on the bed getting ready to watch Wrestling (hehe.. well we both love it remember!) when he asked me if I was ever going to kiss him.

That kiss changed my life! All the walls I had came crashing down! He opened me up to love again, be loved, and he made me feel like the prettiest woman on earth! It was like I was no longer depressed or had any reason to take my life! I had never felt more happy in the past 3 years then I did all of a sudden.

The day I had to leave Wolverin was the hardest in my life. He felt it too because he promised me we would be together forever by December, 1998. Unfortunately it is now going on 6 months since he promised me that. I am still in Wisconsin and he is still in Connecticut. We have no idea of when we will be able to see each other again let alone live together.

I am more in love with Wolverin every day. He is truly my soulmate and the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. I want to marry him and have a family. He feels the same way about me.

UPDATE!! ---> We are going to be spending 2½ weeks together soon! I leave in 3 weeks from today to spend time with Wolverin again in Connecticut. I will be there for the last two weeks of May 1999. In this time we will talk about our marriage and I get my ring. So we are engaged just not 'official' til I get my ring. :-)

"Aislin28"