Custody of our son is the issue at hand. He is four and our home is literally paradise for a child. My husband is appalled that I am considering taking him from here and moving to a small house with virtually no yard and removing him from his only male influence, etc. A regular ride on the guilt train. I'm not allowed to remove him until custody is decided so I stayed too. It does not make for a very easy life. 

A few months back, my mother gave me a web cam for my birthday. She has one and wanted to keep in touch via netmeetings..

During the setup process, I could not get anyone to accept a call from me to test it. About to give up in despair and frustration, my call was accepted by MC. I could see from his profile info. that he was from England near the Scottish border. He was receiving my picture and sound but I was only getting audio from him. We assumed it was the software and kept chatting. It seemed that no time had passed when we realized that we had been talking for hours. He told me that he was glad I had mistakenly called him, and told me I was very pretty. We sent photos thru file transfer and agreed to share a chat in the future. A couple of days went by and I got an e-mail from him chit chat mostly but it contained a link to his album page. 

He told me to check out his family. So I did. I gathered that he was older than I had thought, married, and with a son only several years younger than I am. Plus the ocean in the middle factor. But my thoughts weren't that far astray yet. We talked and talked and talked. Text chat, voice chat and netmeetings. And of course we both outlined our history to one another in the e-mails. After the first month it became apparent that not only did we have lots in common but it felt as if we'd known each other forever. Our connection seemed to get stronger daily. I learned early on that his marriage is nothing and hasn't been for nearly twenty years (hope it's true) but never could get much of a straight answer as to why he is still with her. I think it's for financial reasons though. 

He says that he never expected to find anyone else and had settled for his lot in life or some British remark to that effect. I was not sure what to make of this. Truth or sugarcoating? Into the second month he began begging me to come to the UK for a weekend or even just a day (transantlantic flight for a day? Hello?!) but I explained that I needed to finalize the custody agreement first. After reading the Scary Story of Sue and Barry, I am worried that I will end up like Sue - jilted for the wife. I will have the opportunity for some vacation time next June, and we have agreed to meet for a week in Scotland. It seems so far away when we feel so strong a need to meet now. It feels very strange to love him as a stranger. But I feel like I know everything about him and more. How do I get him in motion about ending things with his wife for his own sake? Because he deserves to be happy. I am tired already of the sneaky feeling that permeates our time together. And if we are soul mates as I feel we are, I want to stay with him in June when I fly over. 

How do I let him know without making him angry? The wife is a touchy subject at times. I know it is a long process to split over there and I just want him to stop dragging his ass. This is only October, and I know eight months is a long time and numerous things could happen between now and then. So I would love to know how you all think this will end.

I will tell you that he is the most thoughtful, polite, romantic sweetheart of a guy that I have EVER met. He tells me the sweetest things rains down compliments about my beauty and I just know he loves me. We have cried together in moments of deep tenderness. He calls to wake me almost every morning and gives me an uplifting comment before the "cheerio". I think of him all the time and he says the same. What should I do? 

"Tami"