I kept trying to work on my marriage and fight the unhappy feelings and try to find a way to make things good in my life. I was tired of being lonely and having no friends to share anything with. I have 2 beautiful children, but unfortunately in a marriage that had grown cold over the years, but still I tried for the kids' sake.
 

In September 2000 I discovered Yahoo online games. Through this I met a lot of interesting (with many different meanings of the word) people. I actually felt I had started to find some REAL friends. We met each day to play cards and chat and have a great time. I just go online to escape my problems and my life for a short time. I was never looking for anything more than some friends to talk and laugh with.

The year 2001 was a bad time for me, I was seriously ill and wasn't sure what my future looked like. This is when I found out who my true friends are, as they helped me through my illness and my operation. One evening I was playing cards with one of my closest online friends. She is a big flirt and I usually just went along with the laughs never wanting to "get myself into trouble"...after all I am married (though not happily) and have 2 young children. We were playing with 2 other people at our table (both male). She was flirting up a storm with both of them and having a great old time. One of the men started talking to me, but I just answered him politely. He seemed really nice but he seemed to like to flirt. We played for a couple hours and at the time we wanted to say good night, he sent me a virtual rose and said in front of the others...This is for the sweetest lady I have ever met. I was flattered and speechless. But being the honest person I am...I instant messaged him the next day and told him that

That was the start of things..."Phil" and I became instant friends. From that day on we chatted online every day. Shared stories of our lives and helped each other tremendously through very hard times we were going through...Me...dealing with a dead marriage, being in a place I really didn't want to be, having severe health problems, and just wanting someone to care about me. Him: seperated from his wife who would not let him even see his children, also health problems, and trying to find his place in life. After a few weeks we really had the feeling we had become best friends. Because of his medical condition he couldn't work, so he was home at the same times of day I was and we would talk online for hours about anything and everything: happy, sad, funny, problems, jokes, you name it. He then started to write me poetry and in one of his poems he mentioned that he knew that he shouldn't but he was falling in love with me. I knew I had strong feelings, but I was scared and feeling guilty. Here I am a marrie

But like many dreams...this one had a rude awakening. During one of our conversations one day I noticed that he was breathing funny and he mentioned how tired he is all the time. Then he told me he hadn't been sleeping well because he felt like his heart was racing, he could actually feel it, but he didn't want to tell me because he didn't want me to worry. After a few intense conversations, I finally convinced him to see his doctor and get it checked out and she in turn sent him to the hospital for thorough testing. Through this time, I felt him starting to pull back from me...and it hurt. I didn't know why in a time when we should be growing closer, that he would pull away. I loved him so much and wanted to be there for him, but he preferred to be by himself. The closer I tried to get the further he backed away. The results of his tests came back and he was diagnosed with arhythmia. Yes, a serious condition, but it can be controlled and the person can live a normal life. For some reason he felt that becaus

After a month I saw him online and said hi...and he actually answered. So I asked if I could call him so we could talk. At the time I was battling pneumonia, but my love for him was stronger than anything and even though I had trouble breathing I wanted to talk to him. So I called and we talked for a few minutes and caught up on each other's lives. I told him how good it was to hear his voice again and he said it was good to hear mine as well. But that hearing me again has brought back the feelings he had for me and had thought he had buried away the past month. This really hurt me that he wanted to forget about me. I didn't know his reasons...if it was because he wanted to protect from an uncertain future with him, or if it was because he didn't feel the same for me anymore, or maybe it was because he had found someone else...I never did find out...the only answer he would give me is, I can't handle this right now, it hurts too much. He said that he wasn't home much anymore and that he stayed with friends a

Dearest Phil...wherever you are...I will ALWAYS love you, and never will anyone occupy the place you took in my heart. I hope whereever you are in your life that you have found the answers that you were looking for...

"Sue"