I kept the relationship to myself as most of my friends were not into the online experience. I knew they would never understand. I met "Zach" online in a game room (not Acro). I was just playing around and feeling a bit flirty. Having absolutely no intention of ever meeting in person anyone I met on the net, I filled his head with a full crock of shit. We played a few more times after that and before long I found that hooking up with him had become a very good part of my life. .

As the months went on, we chatted for hours on end...giving up time usually spent with friends (with faces). Preferring to be together online. After a few weeks we exchanged pictures. A nerve racking experience... but it seemed we were both quite pleased (at least I know I was).

As time wore on we began a rather intense cyber b/f-g/f thing. Soon there was talk of meeting. Soon there was intimacy (yes, we were cybering) of a physical and emotional nature. So up till now.... sounds good enough. We lived within 60 miles of each other. What's the problem?

Well this is where it confuses me still...... Seems the more I wanted to take the relationship into the "real world" the more I mulled over the drawbacks. The more i wanted to meet him, the more I pulled back. I think he was just as much on the fence as I. In the ensuing months, things began to fall apart. Not that my feelings had diminished...perhaps they grew stronger....the more I worried that I would not measure up to the cyber character he would be expecting.

Eventually, I found it more difficult to deal with these confusing feelings. Our chats became less frequent. Less intense. Way shorter!!! (We used to chat for hours on end....frequently greeting the sun). Till we had deteriorated to e-mailing each other. I found this very difficult. I felt I was losing my best friend and powerless to stop it.
I guess, I'm hoping for some magic insight into what happened and more so.... some hope that it will get better. As of this writing we have agreed not to correspond with each other. Its so very hard to let go..... Yet it is so hard to just be his friend. Up the ole creek, huh? I hope this feels better soon.  

Right now its a deep in the pit of the stomach....icky feeling. I miss him a lot. I'm babbling..... but all I really wish for him is happiness. I think perhaps he would find it easier without me wasting his time. Thanks for letting me vent. I would die if anyone knew who I was. But thanks for being here. It helps.

"Sobbing"