I had a boyfriend at this time and one of my children was ill (I have two) so I stayed with them. I so wanted to be at the party though just to meet the people I'd been chatting to for over a year. It would be weird seeing them in person as all I'd known was a name on a screen. The day after the party and everybody was in the chat room saying how much of a good time they had, a few months later and he had arranged another party. "I'm definitely going to this one", I thought to myself and I did.

The train journey down there was scary, I was all on my own. "Would they like me?" I kept thinking to myself, and they did. I greeted Dave with a smile and a kiss on the cheek as we were just friends. It was actually somebody else that was at the party I wanted to spend the night with and I did.
 

A few weeks after the party and me and Dave had spoken more frequently in pm, he asked me when I was going to stay at his.

We made plans that I would come up in a few weeks and he picked me up one Saturday night whilst my boyfriend was out of town on business. Everybody I knew thought I was going in town night clubbing, we got to Dave's house and we both got drunk, had a laff and a giggle , and then we started kissing and eventually made love (twice). The next morning, I left to come home early so nobody would know that I'd been out of town. Still reeling with excitement from the night before, I returned home to an empty house. Id gotten away with it.

We became close online after this, then once again he asked when I would be going to his house, and as he'd already organised a 'chat' party on the Saturday night, I said that if it was ok with him I'd come on the Friday night, that way we would have more time together. He agreed and just as before he came to pick me up, we had a wonderful weekend, having only a few weeks before I split up from my boyfriend I needed this break.

He was romantic, sincere, very loving and affectionate and he made me feel so special like I hadn't felt in quite some time. I lost count on how many times we made love that weekend but every time we did it was just like the first time, fantastic.

A few days after the party, I started to notice that he was acting unusual, not his normal chatty happy self, so I pm'd him and asked what was wrong. I was then given the line "I'm sorry its not you it's me". Oh here we go, I thought to myself. He then went on to say that he had some things going on in his life at the moment that he did not want me involved in, and said that he couldn't be in a relationship right now.

I was hurt, confused and it felt like somebody had just ripped my heart out and stamped on it, he didn't give me a good enough reason as to why he didn't want me and still to this day hasn't. I put on a brave face, but I'm crying inside. I didn't want a relationship after only just coming out of a 6 year one. It was just a bit of fun, so why do I still feel so hurt? Maybe its because my pride has been hurt, I don't know. All I know is people are not always what they seem.

"Shel"