I never thought of I-Ming (instant messaging) anybody. I was in a chat room one night, and this guy was chatting. He seemed like somebody so compatible with me.

So, I decided to give this instant messenger a try. Not knowing i was going to fall head of heels in love with this man, I I-Med him and simply said hello. That's when it all started. We began to chat more frequently, than it turned into every night, and after that, every spare minute we had in a day. The only reason I would really go online was to chat with him. I barely knew him but my love grew more and more day by day. 

When I would tell people about it, they would think I was crazy to have fallen for this complete stranger. Yet, they didn't understand how deeply I felt for him. When I would see his screen name sign on, i would get tingles all over, and butterflies in my tummy. Two or three years passed and this stranger was still in my heart. One night, I decided to call him. Since he lived far away, we couldn't talk on the phone much because my parents and his would see this unfamiliar number on the phone bill. The first time I heard his voice on the phone, I got this feeling that i can't even describe. For the first time in my life, I had been completely speechless. Words no longer existed. After that, we chatted more. I didn't think he felt for me, as i had for him. To my surprise, one night he told me how much I meant to him, and that he had to be with me. He told me that no one had ever made him smile on the worst days. No one could calm him down when he was angry, as I had. He told me that he thought of me every single moment. And I was more in love with him than I knew. 

After chatting for 5 years or so, he told me he was in love with me, but I didn't believe it. I didn't believe how 2 complete strangers could fall in love. Conversations would come up about seeing each other and we would plan everything, or I would at least. And when that day would come for us to meet, something would come up. This went on a couple more times. One day he disappeared and for a couple months I didn't talk to him. But not a day went by that I wouldn't think of him. I saw him online one night, and I thought this was my only chance to tell him how I had felt. I told him I was in love with him. And he was shocked. He said, he felt the same, but I didn't think so. I have stopped trying to work it out with him. I have given up. I guess you can say I moved on, new loves have came and left. But none have left such an impact on my life as he has. And still to this day, I think of him every day.

Sometimes, I cry. I wish someday I could finally meet this stranger that I have loved for so long. I asked him one day why he wouldn't meet me, and he told me, I know if I meet you, I'm going to get attached to you, and there's no way we can be together because we live so far from one another. But I know deep in my heart that I'll see him one day, and when I do, I'll never let him go because I love him. 

"Confused Girl"